When in doubt, figure it out. That’s the redneck way.
My dad started working as a commercial fisherman, and then he started building duck calls because he was convinced he could make a call sound more like a duck than anyone else in the world. He was right.
The Bible is not a rule book for life or a collection of fairy tales; it’s a weapon of mass instruction.
My dad has always viewed manhood as a big deal; he likes to say the most endangered species on the planet is manly men.
What he didn’t know was that Kevin is quite the player and that I don’t make bets with eternal consequences on the line unless I know we’re going to win!
However, I eventually learned the hard way that women are not like fish at all. For one, fish do not have the ability to slap your face because you’re trying to land two at once.
The biggest problem we faced was people stealing our nets and fish. Sometimes the thieves would ruin the nets by cutting the fish out. The first time it happened, I asked my dad if we should call the police, but he said, “Son, where we live, I am 911.
When Reed was old enough to go dove-hunting, I figured out that he was more into shooting shells than actually hunting. He wanted to fire his gun as much as possible. Whenever a dove flew by, I heard boom! Boom! Boom! I tried to tell him that shotguns weren’t heat-seeking missiles and that he had to aim at the bird. But when the next dove flew overhead, I heard boom! Boom! Boom! The first time we went dove-hunting, I think he went through two boxes of shells before he finally connected.
When Dad came home a couple of days later, Mom told him about the fish I’d caught and how much money we’d made. I could see the smile on his face. But then he went outside to check his boat and noticed that a paddle was missing. Instead of saying, “Good job, son,” he yelled at me for losing a paddle! I couldn’t believe he was scolding me over a stupid oar! I’d worked from daylight to dusk and earned enough money for my family to buy a dozen paddles! Where was the gratitude?
Sitting in a church building doesn’t make you a Christian, just like sitting in a duck blind doesn’t make you a duck hunter.
God uses flawed sons and daughters to make the all-perfect Christ known, and if He can use me, He can use anyone.
Every time I walk through a swamp or the woods, or climb into a boat on the Ouachita River, I see evidence of God all around me. As far as I’m concerned, that’s all the proof I need to know I’m living in His house.
I remember thinking that when it came to dating there was a thin line between becoming a trophy buck hanging out in a woman’s living room for life and being just another dead deer carcass in a ditch run over by a woman driver. Trophy bucks do not come easily, and my pride, which some girls viewed as arrogance, actually helped me stay pure.
How many times have you heard the phrase “You can’t judge a book by its cover”? Well, that seems to be an accurate assessment of my family. The Robertson family tends to stand out, especially in public, because of our thick beards and camouflage, but perhaps even more so because of our gorgeous wives, who accompany us without acting like they were kidnapped!
Nowadays, people ask me crazy questions, like “What would you do if tragedy struck your family, or if your house burned down, or if they canceled your TV show?” My response is always the same: “Pretty much what I did yesterday, just not nearly as comfortably.
In a matter of minutes, I went from being a potential terrorist to being a caveman selling insurance.
Remember: a beard grown is a lot of pennies saved.
The lesson learned: don’t bring claws and teeth to a gunfight.
I will always view humans as being superior to the animal kingdom and will continue to manage their habitat and population until I see animals pick up a weapon.
I was a country kid who went to a public school, and she was more of a middle-class girl who attended a private school. I was into hunting and fishing, and she liked drama and singing in the choir at school and church. Our lives up until that point were totally different.
While frogs are some of the strangest creatures on earth, they can’t hold water against women. One of my dad’s favorite sayings when we were kids was “Boys, when God made a woman He made a strange creature.” I wasn’t married for very long before I realized he was right.