Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk? Having a baby is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
It costs a lot to sue a magazine, and it’s too bad that we don’t have a system where the losing team has to pay the winning team’s lawyers.
It’s almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington.
My grandmother and I saw an average of eight movies a week, double features, second run.
Well, I don’t know how astute I am, but I did want to be a journalist when I was growing up.
My grandmother and I followed my mother here, to a house a block north of Hollywood Boulevard but a million miles away from Hollywood, if you know what I mean. We would hang out behind the ropes and look at the movie stars arriving at the premieres.
In ’57, I got a job at the Blue Angel nightclub, and a gentleman named Ken Welch wrote all my material for me. I lived at a place called the Rehearsal Club that was actually the basis for a play called Stage Door.
You know, one wonderful thing that came out of my Enquirer experience is that, in my case, it was ruled tabloids are magazines. Which means they didn’t have the protection that a newspaper has.
People invite me to dinner not because I can cook, but because I like to clean up. I get immediate gratification from windex. Yes, I do windows.
What I like to write about is stuff I know. I don’t think I could write a novel. I don’t think I have it in me to come up with those kinds of characters.
I’ve always been able to recount things and I have a really good memory about dialog and what people have said before and this and that.
What I do when I write is I just write the way I would tell it, so it comes out just exactly the way I would talk to you.
I love to write. I have always loved writing. That was my first love.
I always preferred working with somebody so I could look into their eyeballs and play tennis.
I always felt that I was more of an actress than a – I can’t tell a joke to save my soul, but that I was a comedic actress.
My interesting diet tips are eat early and don’t nosh between meals. I mean, I can pack it away.
When someone who is known for being comedic does something straight, it’s always “a big breakthrough” or a “radical departure.” Why is is no one ever says that if a straight actor does comedy? Are they presuming comedy is easier?
I have a great memory.
I never regretted turning down anything, I never regretted losing a job because I always felt something else was out there.
I think the hardest thing to do in the world, show-business-wise, is write comedy.
I don’t eat much meat, fish, or poultry.