Maybe people with weird haircuts are like structures that become interesting only after being wrecked – Florida ranch houses half-fallen into sinkholes; bankrupt malls; civilizations after a nuclear war. I feel a warm tragic glow knowing I may be of interest to the world only once I have been destroyed.

— Douglas Coupland

Douglas Coupland Quotes

I wish I could say that success turns people into plastic dolls, but the truth is that I don’t know any successful people.

— Douglas Coupland

Fun fact: The United Nations building in New York City is the only place in all of North America where smoking is still permitted indoors.

— Douglas Coupland

I was convinced that all of the people I’d ever gone to school with were headed for great things in life and I wasn’t. They were having more fun; finding more meaning in life.

— Douglas Coupland

TERMINAL WANDERLUST: A condition common to people of transient middle-class upbringings. Unable to feel rooted in any one environment, they move continually in the hopes of finding an idealized sense of community in the next location.

— Douglas Coupland

Jesus, Neal, watching you eat with a spork is like seeing Helen Keller at a ladies’ afternoon tea.

— Douglas Coupland

We threw chew toys to Misty, Mom’s golden retriever that she bought two years ago secondhand. Misty was supposed to be a seeing-eye dog, but she failed her exam because she’s too affectionate. It’s a flaw we don’t mind.

— Douglas Coupland

The less of a life, the more mail you need.

— Douglas Coupland

Probably tastes like a pocket calculator garnished with dried herpes juice flakes.

— Douglas Coupland

But when you’re caked in your own leavings, you don’t really mind being hit with brutally hard jets of water.

— Douglas Coupland

There’s something fun about Sharpies that’s really hard to articulate.

— Douglas Coupland

At meetings you have to explain what you’ve accomplished, so naturally you fluff up your work a bit, like pillows on a couch.

— Douglas Coupland

How strange that all you have to do sometimes to meet somebody is walk up to their house and ring a doorbell, and magically they appear as if from nowhere.

— Douglas Coupland

You know how sometimes after an afternoon nap you wake up with the shakes or anxiety? That’s what happened to me. I couldn’t remember who I was or where I was or what time of year it was or anything. All I knew was that I was. I felt so wide open, so vulnerable, like a great big field that’s just been harvested.

— Douglas Coupland

I’m not cheerful or domestic. I’m drab, crabby and friendless. I fill my days fighting a constant battle to keep my dignity. Loneliness is my curse- our species’ curse- it’s the gun that shoots the bullets that make us dance on a saloon floor and humiliate ourselves in front of strangers.

— Douglas Coupland

One psycho for every nine stable people in the company is a good ratio.

— Douglas Coupland

Are you a minimalist? Do you take pride in a reductive life? Minimalists are actually extreme hoarders: they hoard space, and they’re just as odd as those people with seven rooms filled with newspapers, dead cats and margarine tubs.

— Douglas Coupland

Ray, don’t get mad just because I say yes to life. I like to keep myself available to the universe, because it brings me wisdom. Maybe you don’t just want me to soar.

— Douglas Coupland

Wade tried to imagine Florida before the advent of man, but couldn’t. The landscape seemed too thoroughly colonized – the trailers, factory outlets, and cocktail shacks of the world below. He decided that if human beings took over the moon, they’d probably just turn it into Florida.

— Douglas Coupland

My brain is built of paths and slides and ladders and lasers and i have invited all of you to enter its pavilion. my brain, as you enter, will smell of tangerines and brand-new running shoes.

— Douglas Coupland

Today was the first day when I could really tell that summer was over. The cold air sparkled and the maple leaves were rotting, putting forth their lovely reek, like dead pancakes.

— Douglas Coupland
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