Dude,” Diesel said. “That’s no way to get dessert.” Carl snapped to attention. “Eep?” “Cookies,” I told him. Carl jumped onto his booster seat, sat ramrod straight, and folded his hands on the table. He was a good monkey. I gave him a cookie, and he shoved it into his mouth. “Manners,” Diesel said to him. Carl spit the cookie out onto the table, picked it up, and carefully nibbled at it.

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quotes

You’re afraid if you catch this guy, you’ll lose the excitement in your life and the goal-oriented sense of purpose that drives you.

— Janet Evanovich

But in my experience, the virtuous are usually the first to die.

— Janet Evanovich

A man who does not know fear cannot die, because death has no place to enter.” Vernon.

— Janet Evanovich

This here’s the twenty-first century. Just ’cause we’re women don’t mean we can’t be sick as men.

— Janet Evanovich

Ranger is a bounty hunter, like me. Only Ranger is good. He’s close to my age, give or take a few years; he’s Cuban-American; and I’m pretty sure he only kills bad guys.

— Janet Evanovich

I could use some lunch.” “Do you have any money?” “No,” Lula said. “Do you?” “No.” “There’s only one thing to do then. Senior buffet.” Ten minutes later, I pulled into the Costco parking lot.

— Janet Evanovich

A hollowed-out volcano is every super-villain’s dream lair. It’s all about location, location, location.” Riley.

— Janet Evanovich

About this psychopath,” Morelli said. “I went to New York with Ranger following a lead on the polonium thing. I had a run-in with this crazy guy named Vlatko who planned the poisoning, and he sort of slashed me.” “Where was Ranger when all this was happening?” “He was snooping around in the Russian consulate.

— Janet Evanovich

You’re like the sky at midnight, when the moon is shining, and the wind is blowing.

— Janet Evanovich

Ranger isn’t my boyfriend. Ranger and I have a professional relationship.” “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you can’t play hide the salami once in a while.

— Janet Evanovich

Here’s the thing,” Riley said. “I’m not really into diabolical possibilities. I’m more into logical explanations.

— Janet Evanovich

The downside is my picture’s been all over the media and now my movement is limited. So I could use some help.” “Why don’t you just go blond?” “I’ve been blond. When I go blond I look like I should be singing with the Village People.

— Janet Evanovich

Oscar Wilde said it’s never the question that’s indiscreet, only the answers.

— Janet Evanovich

This was the second time in less than forty-eight hours that a man stopped fondling me because his phone rang. And both times it was because someone had been killed. If I wasn’t a well-adjusted, emotionally healthy person I might be bothered by this.

— Janet Evanovich

Zook peeked into the living room. “This house has high speed Internet, right?” “Sure, we got cable,” Grandma said. “We’re not in the Stone Age here. I blog and everything.

— Janet Evanovich

I am just a simple monk. The sun shines on the just and unjust alike. If the sun does not judge, then who am I to do so?

— Janet Evanovich

How’s it going?” Morelli wanted to know. “It’s average. Stole a truck. Blew up a house. Brought seven monkeys home with me. And now I have a naked man in my shower.” “Yeah, same ol’, same ol’,” Morelli said.

— Janet Evanovich

The doorbell rang and Grandma ran to get it. “It’s him,” she said to me. “It’s my honey.” My father got out of his chair in the living room and took his seat at the table. “I don’t care if he craps in a bag,” he said to Ranger. “I’ll give you a hundred bucks if you can scare him into marrying her and moving her into his room at the old people’s home.

— Janet Evanovich

I’d find you,” Ranger said. He took my hand, kissed the palm, and got out of the car.

— Janet Evanovich

I spent as much time on the rifle range as I spend with my knife in the peanut butter jar, I’d be a crack shot.

— Janet Evanovich
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