It was a woefully inadequate response, and Artemis was instantly appalled with himself. Pathetic really: I don’t like lollipops. No self-respecting criminal mastermind would be caught dead even using the word lollipops. He really would have to put together a database of witty responses for occasions such as this.

— Eoin Colfer

Eoin Colfer Quotes

I tried to talk about National Geographic one night, and Jason gave me a look like I was insulting him, so I moved on to a safer subject: which of the girls have implants.

— Eoin Colfer

I know what you’re thinking,” said Root. “Why am I picking on you every day? Why don’t I ever bawl out those other layabouts?” Holly said nothing, but agreement was written all over her face. “I’ll tell you why, shall I?” Holly risked a nod. “It’s because you’re a girl.

— Eoin Colfer

There are a lot of hopes riding on you. But there is a lot of prejudice against you too.

— Eoin Colfer

She ran a quick search on Wicca-pedia and came across a brief summary:.

— Eoin Colfer

Holly, I wish you wouldn’t appear like that. I’m a bodyguard. I get jumpy.

— Eoin Colfer

That’s the problem with being a semi-reformed criminal: you are never free from guilt. Exposure is always just a phone call away.

— Eoin Colfer

I don’t trust any of you.

— Eoin Colfer

I don’t know what to believe, or who to trust.

— Eoin Colfer

A genius he may be, but he is still a habitual meddler and magnet for trouble.” The bodyguard winked at Artemis. “No offense, young sir, but you could turn a Sunday picnic into an international incident.

— Eoin Colfer

Everyone nodded. Technically it was correct, as they did know it now.

— Eoin Colfer

When you decide to die, Artemis thought sluggishly, it doesn’t matter how many people want to kill you.

— Eoin Colfer

What I did was shameful. I was weak and I will carry regret for the rest of my life.

— Eoin Colfer

Together we will be unstoppable. Your friend and benefactor, Artemis Fowl II.

— Eoin Colfer

But always among the humans, there are those individuals who would control all they see and are threatened by that which they do not understand.

— Eoin Colfer

The great Stephen King once wrote don’t sweat the small stuff, which I mulled over for long enough to realise that I don’t entirely agree with it. I get what he means: we all have enough major sorrow in our lives without freaking out over the day-today hangnails and such, but sometimes sweating the small stuff helps you make it through the big stuff.

— Eoin Colfer

When life gives you a lemon, thought Teddy, slipping his fingers neatly into the weapon’s finger holes, you knock the lemon senseless.

— Eoin Colfer

Swear toads infested every damp patch, cursing like sailors.

— Eoin Colfer

How about the adventures of Gloop and Angry Hamster in the Dimension of Fire?

— Eoin Colfer

I like to be loved, he thought, but he did not voice the notion.

— Eoin Colfer

I outta get one of those flip signs, Vern thought. “No homicides in: 2923 days.

— Eoin Colfer
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