I get to do stand-up every single day. I love that live energy exchange between the audience and myself, and to get to say the things I want to say and comment on.
Find out who you are and be that person. That’s what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come.
Here are the values that I stand for: honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you want to be treated and helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values.
The most important thing in your life is to live your life with integrity and to not give in to peer pressure to try to be something that you’re not.
What did the letter O say to Q? Dude, your dikk is hanging out.
I would love for the world to be happier.
If we don’t want to define ourselves by things as superficial as our appearances, we’re stuck with the revolting alternative of being judged by our actions.
People give me such a hard time because I don’t wear dresses. What’s that got to do with anything?
I’m a fan of people getting together.
It always helps to think about other people instead of ourselves.
My name is Ellen and I’m a vegetarian. Just to add another label to me: I am a lesbian, aquarian and vegetarian. I’ve said it...
Haiku sounds like I’m Saying hi to someone named Ku. Hi, Ku. Hello.
Normally, I try not to pay attention to my haters, but this time I’d like to talk about it, because my haters are my motivators.
Save a life this Thanksgiving, and join me in starting a new tradition by adopting a turkey instead of eating one through Farm Sanctuary’s Adopt-A-Turkey Project.
Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.
I don’t think I remember my first memory.
I think there’s too much mult-tasking going on. I think people need to quiet down and focus and be still more.
The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yourself.
I know that experts say you’re more likely to get hurt crossing the street than you are flying, but that doesn’t make me any less frightened of flying. If anything, it makes me more afraid of crossing the street.
Catch-and-release, that’s like running down pedestrians in your car and then, when they get up and limp away, saying – ‘Off you go! That’s fine. I just wanted to see if I could hit you.’
I was raised that you don’t use something nice until there’s someplace to go.