I watch people’s behavior and notice things. I think that’s why I became a comedian. I notice how stupid the things we do are.
It is better to give than to receive.” – Liars.
There’s even a name for the people who have the most stuff. They’re called hoarders. Back in the day they were just called grandmothers.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty is only skin deep. Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.
But what’s important is that you enjoy and appreciate every day, and that’s something you can accomplish by just living in the moment. Don’t look behind you. Unless someone yells, “Look out behind you!” Then you should definitely look behind you because there’s a good chance a Frisbee is being thrown at your head or, if you’re in a movie, an attractive teenage vampire is about to attack you.
We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter.
I love Jesus but I drink alittle- Gladis Hardy from the Ellen Show.
Its the same for every career and life decision. You just have to keep driving down the road. It’s going to bend and curve, and you’re going to speed up and slow down, but the road keeps going.
Here’s a professional tip: If you have to say you’re kidding, it might not be a great joke.
Slow down your mind. Slower. Think about how slow you have to drive when there’s someone on a bicycle in front of you in the middle of your lane. Are you annoyed? Don’t be.
It was the hardest time of my life, but the best part of my journey.
Then you panic because you’ve never known the difference between a sweet potato and a yam and both are on the counter, and if you start making a yam pie you’ll never hear the end of it.
Reading Ellen’s hilarious new book. Thirsty for tequila.
First you have your baby, which in and of itself is a stunning feat. I won’t go into specifics, but ouch and no thank you.
So to conclude my conclusion, follow your passion, stay true to yourself. Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path and by all means you should follow that. Don’t give advice, it will come back and bite you in the ass. Don’t take anyone’s advice. So my advice to you is to be true to yourself and everything will be fine.
At a four-way stop sign, the person with the prettiest eyes has the right of way.
We’re all supposed to be different. I want so badly to encourage everyone to say, “Who am I and how do I want to live my life?
If there is any message I want you to take from this book, it is that befriending a parrot can be both frustrating and infinitely rewarding.
On the topic of babies: “I know which end you feed.
Let the naysayers nay. They will eventually grow tired of naying.
We should celebrate every year that we made it through and every year that we’re happier and healthier.