I try to sketch her in my notebook, but I am not an artist, and all that comes out are the wrong shapes, the wrong lines. I cannot hold on to anything that’s her.
I do believe that most of the time your life changes, you don’t realise in the moment that it’s on the cusp of being altered.
Because, at heart, when I tell you I love books, what I am telling you is that I am a reader. Boil off all my pretensions, let my attempts at erudition rise away from me like steam, and what would be left would be a reader who is frequently amazed and educated by what words can do on a page.
Is saying ‘I love you’ really what defines a relationship? It’s the actions, not the words.
She didn’t fit perfectly into my new life, but the beauty of our relationship is that she hadn’t fit perfectly into my old life, either. Love teaches you that fitting is overrated; what you need to do is change the shape of your life to make the connection.
I thought I was smart,” I said all of a sudden. “I really thought I was smart. But after the last couple of months, I’m not sure. And that’s paralyzing, isn’t it? to discover you’re bad at the one thing you thought you had going for you?
And one of the values is the way being lost can lead you to see what you want to find. It helps you sense where you want to be found. Or who you want to be found by.
We thought there was a wall around our story. But what if there were windows?
It’s good to have each other, but you also need to have your own people, your own experiences.
Letting go is harder than you can imagine.
I remind myself that I don’t need to know everything, that there will always be essential rooms within us that will be unknown. I loosen my idea of him, and he becomes recognisable again.
Wherever she is, whatever she’s doing – it’s not about you. It’s about her. And you have to let it be about her. Sometimes we don’t want to be found right away. If we step away, it’s because we need to be found on our own terms.
The truth doesn’t have to advertise itself. All the truth needs to be is true.
I’m talking about emotional intimacy, not physical. Acknowledging how you really feel, who you really are. Opening up your soul to another person. There’s nothing scarier.
When you opened your eyes, you could see that she was grown up, nearly an adult. But with the same wonder showing in her movements, because that’s not something you have to grow out of.
When he really, really likes a girl, he creates a font and names it after her.
Blood is thicker than water, I suppose. It can also leave a much crueler stain.
I cried because I am starting to realize that to love someone, to really love them deeply, is to want them to be family.
I wondered: Did mom and Darren hurt us more by what they did or by what they didn’t do? Which wounds us more-the hostile presence or the absent kindness?
Your heart is stronger than any of the hurts inflicted. Even the ones that were self-inflicted.” – Ezra.
And then I realize the full extent of the insanity. Tiny Cooper has brought me to a Gay-Straight Alliance meeting to hook me up with a girl.