What police officer would dare ticket Death’s minivan?
I don’t really think of my blog as a real blog. It’s a lame blog. It’s more like my when-the-mood-strikes update, or smoke signal.
The only other people who have had experiences similar to those of this man were locked up inside institutions for the criminally insane. The difference is, this guy gets business cards.
The most I would do was use the shadow tool in Photoshop to bring out the muscular rips in my stomach, which were honestly there. Beneath the fat.
Everybody in recovery smokes. If you don’t like smoking, don’t even bother trying to get sober. Just stay drunk.
Throwing things horrified me. I suffered extreme, paralyzing anxiety when it came to anything remotely athletic. I wouldn’t even run to catch the school bus because I knew I’d trip and then get teased for a year.
He continues to smile expectantly. I take a step back. I don’t want to catch whatever he has. He is a disturbing out-of-uniform Santa.
Sometimes when you work in advertising you’ll get a product that’s really garbage and you have to make it seem fantastic, something that is essential to the continued quality of life.
What I think of blogs is just this: Some are beautifully written and many are not. But even blogs that aren’t necessarily “well” written are great for the person writing them.
Tracy, the leader of the CDH group, looks at me with eyes that seem to belong to someone three times her age. It’s something beyond wisdom, all the way to insanity and back. It’s like her eyes are scarred from all the things she’s seen.
My mother began to go crazy. Not in a ‘Let’s paint the kitchen red!’ sort of way. But crazy in a ‘gas oven, toothpaste sandwhich, I am God’ sort of way.
We were young. We were bored. And the old electroshock therapy machine was just under the stairs in a box next to the Hoover.
He’s a really nice guy, if only I weren’t me.
Like cubic zirconia, I only look real. I’m an imposter. The fact is, I am not like other people.
I did not consider him to be any kind of a genius. I considered him deeply lacking in the area that mattered most in life. Star quality.
I’ve learned how to turn the adversities in my life into enriching experiences. You can actually gain a lot from adversities and they make you the person you are today.
I am prone to envy. It is one of my three default emotions, the others being greed and rage. I have also experienced compassion and generosity, but only fleetingly and usually while drunk, so I have little memory.
Other people sound flat to my ear; their words just hang in the air. But when my mother says something, the ends curl.
Truthfulness itself is almost medication, even when it’s served without advice or insight.
And in my mind, this settles the issue. I would never drink cologne, and am therefore not an alcoholic.