I guess after college, I just got really into food. I also think going on the road doing stand-up makes you more into food. Because when you travel like that, one of the things to do is find really good places to eat.
Fiddling knobs, touching keys, having fun with a full grown man.
Oh, am I wearing an ascot? I didn’t notice.
Everyone steals. My favorite movie is Love Don’t Cost a Thing with Nick Cannon. Which is based on Can’t Buy Me Love, which is based on Kramer vs. Kramer, or something, which I think was Shakespeare.
She broke up with me. Didn’t really tell me why. Luckily when you’re the guy, you can just tell people she’s crazy. ‘Hey, Tom, I heard you and Lucy broke up.’ ‘Yeah, man. Turns out, she’s crazy.’ That’s what they always do on Entourage.
Whats the worst that could happen?! The worst that could happen is he could cut off your legs and use them to make stilts that look like legs!
This is one of my favorite pick up strategies: I’m constantly giving women my keys. So far, none of them have shown up. Matter of time. And I’ve been robbed twice.
I have never taken the high road, but I tell other people to ’cause then there’s more room for me on the low road.
I was surprised to learn that research showed arranged couples tended to be happier in the long run.
I just think it’s sad that the main places in our culture that we designate to meet new people are bars and nightclubs...
I’m so jealous of people who have crushes on people they go to school with, or work with. That’s such a blessing. You actually get to see them all the time and spend time with them.
When you meet someone you really like and connect with, I think that’s very special, and not to be taken for granted.
No one’s trying to get with jugglers.
I strapped an MP3 player to one of those floor-cleaning robots. Call him DJ Roomba – little guy cruises around and plays music. What’s hot, DJ Roomba!
I’m like an elephant, ok? If I walk into a room, it’s like, OK, he’s in there.
Comedians don’t have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.
I think absurdist humor is funny...
I’m the kind of person, if I see something, like a funny video, I want to share it. With Twitter and Tumblr you can do that on a mass scale, and people get to know your personality.
Being a rapper is about being cool, but being a comedian, you’re not supposed to be the coolest guy.
I’m in a situation with this girl that’s as hopeless as overthrowing the Bush administration.