Epitaph on a scolding wife by her husband: Here my poor Bridget’s corpse doth lie, she is at rest – and so am I!
The tongue offends and the ears get the cuffing.
The good or ill hap of a good or ill life, is the good or ill choice of a good or ill wife.
He’s gone, and forgot nothing but to say farewell to his creditors.
I am a mortal enemy to arbitrary government and unlimited power.
Evil, as evil, can never be chosen; and though evil is often the effect of our own choice, yet we never desire it but under the appearance of an imaginary good.
The key that unlocks a door is a key to keep if you want to go through that door again.
Wisdom is in measured routine. Three naps a day will keep you fit, nine breakfasts before noon, spin until you fall on your back, and thrust your face into a nettle plant. Drink at least five cups of a mare’s urine and look upon your self in a silver mirror while you hold your air in your chest.
I am what I am and that’s all that I am and if I’m supposed to be somebody else, why do I look like me?
As Pride increases, Fortune declines.
As sore places meet most rubs, proud folks meet most affronts.
Enjoy the present hour, be mindful of the past; And neither fear nor wish the Approaches of the last. Learn of the skillful: He that teaches himself, hath a fool for his master.
Eyes and Priests Bear no Jests.
He that steals the old man’s supper does him no wrong.
He that won’t be counseled can’t be helped. He that would have a short Lent, let him borrow Money to be repaid at Easter.
In a discreet man’s mouth, a public thing is private.
In success be moderate.
Never contradict anybody.
Onions can make even Heirs and Widows weep.
Pain wastes the Body, Pleasures the Understanding.