In today’s world, you would call my father mostly unaccessible. I’m not sure that isn’t true of most fathers at that time. He went through the Depression. I don’t know what that would have done to my psyche.
This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I’m not about to screw with it now.
People with a sense of humor tend to be less egocentric and more realistic in their view of the world and more humble in moments of success and less defeated in times of travail.
There’s a lot of cynicism. Let’s really enjoy Christmas, with all that’s going on in the world.
I don’t want to find the secret. I’m afraid all the joy will go out of it if I find the secret.
The giant superstars are people whose talent is so enormous that their death wish can’t destroy it.
A collison is what happens when two motorists go after the same pedestrian.
You shouldn’t get too close to the truth, because then maybe you stop being funny.
Television series are like the stock market. There’s room for bears and bulls but no room for pigs.
Cell phones have gotten so small, you can’t tell who’s a cell phone user and who’s a schizophrenic.
I’ve done more than I thought I was ever going to do. I’ve had a very long and very satisfying career.
Don’t ever have two dogs. That way you won’t know which one to blame.
Every new routine I have ever written and performed probably occurred extemporaneously. Then after you have fleshed it out and tried it out in front of a number of audiences and it works, you put it down on paper.
I don’t have a show anymore. I don’t have a check coming in every week. This is important to me, I got to score a million tonight or it could all be over.
I didn’t need the elf outfit to play an elf; I could just play an elf.
You never know when you’ll come upon something and it’s going to be fodder for new material.
The reason I’m a psychologist is based in part on my telephone routines. Much of my humor comes out of reaction to what other people are saying. A psychologist is a man who listens, who is sympathetic.
Women are more emotional. They do get flustered. Which is not to say that men are better than they. It’s simply the way it is.
I can’t remember the last live-action, non-animated Christmas movie.
Continuing to do stand-up is always a challenge because the audiences and the environments in which you work very often differ.