Those who have a strong sense of love and belonging have the courage to be imperfect.
Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.
Then I tell my own story. The two things that people really need to transform is language to understand their experience and to know they’re not alone. It’s the combination of the researcher-storyteller part.
Here’s what is truly at the heart of wholeheartedness: Worthy now, not if, not when, we’re worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is.
If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.
We don’t have to be perfect, just engaged and committed to aligning values with actions.
I wasn’t really testing it on myself as much as I was learning from other people about what it meant to live and love with your whole heart, and then thinking, oh my god, I’m not doing that.
We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.
You can choose courage or you can choose comfort, but you can’t have both.
For me, the opposite of scarcity is not abundance. It’s enough. I’m enough. My kids are enough.
You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.
Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.
Until we can receive with an open heart, we’re never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.
There is no innovation and creativity without failure. Period.
Talk about your failures without apologizing.
Laughter, song, and dance create emotional and spiritual connection; they remind us of the one thing that truly matters when we are searching for comfort, celebration, inspiration, or healing: We are not alone.
Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.
When perfectionism is driving us, shame is riding shotgun and fear is that annoying backseat driver!
We teach what we have to learn. It’s been an extraordinary journey that I couldn’t have done with not only the research participants but the community, the tribe that we’ve built of people who are also on this journey.
We’re a nation hungry for more joy: Because we’re starving from a lack of gratitude.