Gender as it functions today is a grave injustice. I am angry. We should all be angry. Anger has a long history of bringing about positive change. But I am also hopeful, because I believe deeply in the ability of human beings to remake themselves for the better.
And then we do a much greater disservice to girls, because we raise them to cater to the fragile egos of males. We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls: You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful but not too successful, otherwise you will threaten the man. If you are the breadwinner in your relationship with a man, pretend that you are not, especially in public, otherwise you will emasculate him.
I am angry. We should all be angry. Anger has a long history of bringing about positive change.
A Nigerian acquaintance once asked me if I was worried that men would be intimidated by me. I was not worried at all – it had not even occurred to me to be worried, because a man who will be intimidated by me is exactly the kind of man I would have no interest in.
If we do something over and over, it becomes normal. If we see the same thing over and over, it becomes normal.
A world of happier men and happier women who are truer to themselves. And this is how to start: We must raise our daughters differently. We must also raise our sons differently.
I am trying to unlearn many lessons of gender I internalized while growing up. But I sometimes still feel vulnerable in the face of gender expectations.
But by far the worst thing we do to males – by making them feel they have to be hard – is that we leave them with very fragile egos. The harder a man feels compelled to be, the weaker his ego is.
Because when there is true equality, resentment does not exist.
People will selectively use “tradition” to justify anything.
Because you are a girl” is never a reason for anything. Ever.
If she likes makeup, let her wear it. If she likes fashion, let her dress up. But if she doesn’t like either, let her be. Don’t think that raising her feminist means forcing her to reject femininity. Feminism and femininity are not mutually exclusive.
Teach her to question language. Language is the repository of our prejudices, our beliefs, our assumptions.
What if, in raising children, we focus on ability instead of gender? What if we focus on interest instead of gender?
Be a full person. Motherhood is a glorious gift, but do not define yourself solely by motherhood. Be a full person. Your child will benefit from that.
You know, you’re a feminist.” It was not a compliment. I could tell from his tone – the same tone with which a person would say, “You’re a supporter of terrorism.
Gender matters everywhere in the world. And I would like today to ask that we begin to dream about and plan for a different world. A fairer world. A world of happier men and happier women who are truer to themselves. And this is how to start: We must raise our daughters differently. We must also raise our sons differently.
The sad truth of the matter is that when it comes to appearance, we start off with men as the standard, as the norm. Many of us think that the less feminine a woman appears, the more likely she is to be taken seriously. A man going to a business meeting doesn’t wonder about being taken seriously based on what he is wearing – but a woman does.
I like politics and history and am happiest when having a good argument about ideas.
So teach Chizalum that biology is an interesting and fascinating subject, but she should never accept it as justification for any social norm. Because social norms are created by human beings, and there is no social norm that cannot be changed.