How can two good people both have such good intentions end up with feelings, derived from all the goodness, that are so incredibly bad?
Me: Don’t thank me, Sydney. You shouldn’t thank me, because I failed miserably at trying not to fall in love with you.
She doesn’t even tell me it’ll be okay when every single ounce of whatever was left inside my chest is propelled out of me the moment I realize that the very best part of me is dead.
There will be days that I don’t think we’ll know how to survive. But we will, because we have each other.
I imagine her rolling onto her back, welcoming me to create secrets with her that’ll never leave this room.
I send the picture in a message to Ian that says, “She’s gonna have all my babies.
I don’t want Sydney ever to feel like my second choice, when I know in my heart that she’s the right choice. The only choice.
If this thesis were a child, I’d put it up for adoption and not even think twice about it. If this thesis were a cute, fuzzy puppy, I’d drop it off in the middle of a busy intersection and speed away.
My attention is constantly homed in on her like I’m a compass and she’s my North.
One of her hands is slowly tracing up and down from my waist to my arm. The feel of her hands against my skin is something I never want to become a memory.
I may not be a role model, but at least I’m raising really smart children.
Sometimes not speaking says more than all the words in the world. Sometimes my silence is saying, I don’t know how to speak to you. I don’t know what you’re thinking. Talk to me. Tell me everything you’ve ever said. All the words. Starting form the very first one.
But if you’re asking who I need more? Who I want to be with more? Who my heart craves more? My heart decided that for me a long time ago, Sydney.
As I head through the living room toward my bedroom, Warren glances at me. Twice. “Should have stayed in here and watched porn with me,” he says, taking in the marker all over my face.
Whoever coined the phrase, I love you to death obviously never experienced the kind of love Tate and I share. If that were the case, the phrase would be I love you to life. Because that’s exactly what Tate did. She loved me back to life.
I’m so acutely aware of everything about him in this moment that I’m almost positive I could pick his thumbprint out of a lineup.
Anything. I’ll do anything you ask me to, so long as you’re shirtless.
Screw you, Warren.
As soon as he comes into view, I lose the war. The war I didn’t even know I was fighting. It doesn’t happen often, but when I do find a guy attractive, it’s better when it happens with a person I want it to happen with.
I’ve never looked forward before. I’ve always looked back. I think about the past way too much and I think about what I should have done and everything I did wrong and I’ve never once looked forward in my life.