Please may this not be a game. Please may this not be a game. Because if it’s a game, I know I’m going to lose.
Deep down, you see, I long to be arcane, esoteric. I would love to confound people with their own language.
I hope suffering don’t exist.
I wonder if it’s possible to start a new relationship without hurting someone else.
But we comforted ourselves with what we really meant to say, which was: “I don’t normally feel this good about what I’m doing.” Measure the hope of that moment, that feeling. Everything else will be measured against it.
Sometimes the space between knowing what to do and actually doing it is a very short walk. Other times it is an impossible expanse.
I was sixteen and equipped with the appropriate genitalia, so I cleared that hurdle nicely.
Sorry to be so cynical, but this is New York.
I had always felt that mittens were a few steps back on the evolutionary scale – why, I wondered, would we want to make ourselves into a less agile version of lobster.
I measure the moment in the heartbeats I skip.
Gone is not forgotten, but our lives cannot be a memorial. This city cannot be a memorial. This city has to be a city. Our lives have to be our lives.
It feels like we’ve stepped outside of time. Even though there is no such place.
In my experience, desire is desire, love is love. I have never fallen in love with a gender. I have fallen for individuals.
Some days are like this. And the only way to get through them is to remember that they are only one day, and that every day ends.
Belonging. Togetherness. These words are as complicated and confusing as the word love. It’s probably all the same thing. Or it would be if we let it be. I can only guess from observation.
After a while, you have to be at peace with the fact that you simple are.
I am a drifter, and as lonely as that can be, it is also remarkably freeing. I will never define myself in terms of anyone else.
Why do we feel the need to disconnect in order to connect?
It doesn’t feel like a date. It doesn’t feel like friendship. It feels like something that fell off the tightrope but hasn’t yet hit the net.
When I say, “Be my lover”, I don’t mean, “Let’s have an affair.” I don’t mean “Sleep with me.” I don’t mean, “Be my secret.” I want us to go back down to that root. I want you to be the one who loves me. I want to be the one who loves you.