I think that music at inappropriate times with inappropriate volumes can be the funniest thing ever.
You take a vacation to a place like Thailand and you’re ready for the excitement of something new and foreign. But when you’re working 14-hour days, all you want is something familiar to ground you. And there’s just nothing there.
Shouldn’t EVERY week be Infection Control Week?
Who among us wouldn’t rush out and buy a Pepsi if we thought it would make the Osborne’s disappear?
I cannot stress this enough – if you try to install an HDTV in a non-HDTV compatible house, you may tear the space-time continuum.
Alcohol causes conflicts, firearms resolve conflicts.
It’s kind of hard to win most elections on anti-family, immorality, and Satan-worship.
There are currently more political parties in Iraq than unbombed buildings to hold them.
I’m a very jaded and cynical person.
All I knew is that I loved movies and comedy and TV, and I wanted to perform. I made a bunch of shorts and movies in college, and that was always fun too. I directed some plays in college. It was taking it all in and trying to immerse myself in as much of it as possible.
I happen to think singing is hilarious, especially when it pops out at the wrong time.
It’s incredibly fun to play someone that you don’t like. It exorcises your own demons in a way. It’s cathartic. We all have things that we don’t like about ourselves, little things. And I get to amplify those things and put them out there. It’s fun and it has a cleansing effect.
You are literally too stupid to insult.
I wish there was a way to know you were in the good old days before you actually left them.
February is a month of months, and there is one special day: Valentine’s Day on the 14th. I know it’s still a ways off, but I just can’t wait. Janice, if you’re watching, will you make me the happiest man in the world and get out of my apartment?
My friend and I sang an a cappella rendition of Extreme’s ‘More Than Words’ at one of our football pep rallies in a desperate attempt to look cool. For a while, I wore pink Converse All Stars because I thought it made me seem daring and irreverent.
When you try hard at everything you do, even when it feels foolish to do so, you’re opening up doors and possibilities you might not be seeing in the moment.
First there was the New Hampshire primary, and we had nearly a year leading up to it. And now, look! Three primaries in one weekend! How many of these things are they going to have?
Vulnerability is huge. I love to see that in characters. It’s something I feel like a lot of my comedic heroes have always done.
When you’re in New York City or Los Angeles, even if you’re not dealing with show business, there’s still this sense that it’s the center of the universe. And I think that’s a really dangerous, limiting mindset.