A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable.
If Christian scientists had more science and doctors more Christianity, it wouldn’t make any difference which you called in – if you had a good nurse.
Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.
The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better – it is just turning around as usual.
The wise people are in New York because the foolish went there first, that’s the way the wise men make a living.
A man’s idee in a card game is war.
High finance isn’t burglary or obtaining money by false pretenses, but rather a judicious selection from the best features of those fine arts.
To most people a savage nation is wan that doesn’t wear oncomf’rtable clothes.
A rayformer thinks he was ilicted because he was a rayformer, whin th thruth iv th matther is he was ilicted because no wan knew him.
When the American people get through with the English language, it will look as if it had been run over by a musical comedy.
What’s wan man’s news is another man’s throubles.
A game you play with your own worst enemy-yourself.
A man can be right and president, but he can’t be both at the same time.
If ye live enough befure thirty ye won’t care to live at all afther fifty.
Opportunity knocks at every man’s door once. On some men’s door it hammers till it breaks down the door and then it goes in and wakes him up if he’s asleep, and ever afterward it works for him as a night watchman.
What is instinct? It is the natural tendency in one when filled with dismay to turn to his wife.
No matter whether the Constitution follows the flag or not, the Supreme Court follows the election returns.
Many a man that could rule a hundherd millyon sthrangers with an ir’n hand is careful to take off his shoes in the front hallway whin he comes home late at night.
Freedom is like drink. If you take any at all, you might as well take enough to make you happy for a while.
Work is work if you’re paid to do it, and it’s a pleasure if you pay to be allowed to do it.