But before going to bed, he fell on his knees and prayed a long time. In his fervent prayer he did not beseech God to lighten his darkness but only thirsted for the joyous emotion, which always visited his soul after the praise and adoration, of which his evening prayer usually consisted. That joy always brought him light untroubled sleep.
While within the sphere of real life, which not only has its rights, but itself imposes great obligations – within this sphere, if we wish to be humane, to be Christians finally, it is our duty and obligation to foster only those convictions that are justified by reason and experience, that have passed through the crucible of analysis, in a word, to act sensibly and not senselessly as in dreams or delirium, so as not to bring harm to a man, so as not to torment and ruin a man.
It was about the impression our students made on a German who lived for some time in Russia: ‘If you show a celestial map to a Russian schoolboy who has never heard about such things before,’ that German wrote, ‘the next day he will return the map corrected.’ The Germa was trying to say o Russian youth that they combine infinite conceit with total ignorance.
For know, dear ones, that every one of us is undoubtedly responsible for all men and everything on earth, not merely through the general sinfulness of creation, but each one personally for all mankind and every individual man. This knowledge is the crown of life for the monk and for every man.
He was, however, unable to give much prolonged or continuous thought to anything that evening, or to concentrate on any one idea; and anyway, even if he had been able to, he would not have found his way to a solution of these questions in a conscious manner; now he could only feel. In place of dialectics life had arrived, and in his consciousness something of a wholly different nature must now work towards fruition.
La verdad siempre se encuentra; en cambio, la vida puede enterrarse para siempre.
Then I would make each minute into a whole lifetime, I would lose nothing, would account for each minute, waste nothing in vain!
Before it was just her infernal curves that fretted me, but now I’ve taken her whole soul into my soul, and through her I’ve become a man!
The skopets1 who sits in the shop rents the floor above.
Desea aproximarse a la meta, pero cuando llega, no se siente satisfecho.
He loves you, that’s what it is; he loves you so much. And now he is particularly worried.
Of course, a minute or so later I would realise wrathfully that it was all a lie, a revolting lie, an affected lie, that is, all this penitence, this emotion, these vows of reform. You will ask why did I worry myself with such antics: answer, because it was very dull to sit with one’s hands folded, and so one began cutting capers.
But it is just in that cold, abominable half despair, half belief, in that conscious burying oneself alive for grief in the underworld for forty years, in that acutely recognised and yet partly doubtful hopelessness of one’s position, in that hell of unsatisfied desires turned inward, in that fever of oscillations, of resolutions determined for ever and repented of again a minute later – that the savour of that strange enjoyment of which I have spoken lies.
Towards the end I myself could not stand it: as I grew older, a need for people, for friends, developed. I tried to start getting closer with some; but the attempt always came out unnaturally and would simply end of itself.
Reactionary as it is, corporal punishment is better than nothing.
Why is it that a convict never saves his money? Well, not only is it difficult for him to keep it, but prison life is so miserable that a man, of his very nature, thirsts for freedom of action. His position in society makes him so irregular a being that the idea of swallowing up his capital in orgies, of intoxicating himself with revelry, seems to him quite natural if only he can procure himself one moment’s forgetfulness.
I predict that at the very moment when you see despairingly that, despite all your efforts, you have not only not come closer to your goal, but indeed, seem farther from it than ever –at that very moment you will have achieved your goal.
Perezca yo con tal que mis seres queridos sean felices.
Maybe man does not love well-being only? Maybe he loves suffering just as much? Maybe suffering is just as profitable for him as well-being? For man sometimes loves suffering terribly much, to the point of passion, and that is a fact.
I want to talk about everything with at least one person as I talk about things with myself.