I know many married men, I even know a few happily married men, but I don’t know one who wouldn’t fall down the first open coal hole running after the first pretty girl who gave him a wink.
So long as there is one pretty girl left on the stage, the professional undertakers may hold up their burial of the theater.
An actor without a playwright is like a hole without a doughnut.
What passes for woman’s intuition is often nothing more than man’s transparency.
Women, as they grow older, rely more and more on cosmetics. Men, as they grow older, rely more and more on a sense of humor.
Beauty makes idiots sad and wise men merry.
A man admires a woman not for what she says, but what she listens to.
Love is the emotion that a woman feels always for a poodle dog and sometimes for a man.
A man’s wife is his compromise with the illusion of his first sweetheart.
Patriotism is often an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles.
Whenever a man encounters a woman in a mood he doesn’t understand, he wants to know if she’s tired.
Criticism is the art of appraising others at one’s own value.
Men go to the theatre to forget; women, to remember.
A poet, any real poet, is simply an alchemist who transmutes his cynicism regarding human beings into an optimism regarding the moon, the stars, the heavens, and the flowers, to say nothing of Spring, love, and dogs.
The sweetest memory is that which involves something which one should not have done; the bitterest, that which involves something which one should not have done, and which one did not do.
A broken heart is a monument to a love that will never die; fulfillment is a monument to a love that is already on its deathbed.
A ham is simply any actor who has not been successful in repressing his natural instincts.
There is something distinguished about even his failures; they sink not trivially, but with a certain air of majesty, like a great ship, its flags flying, full of holes.
A ready way to lose your friend is to lend him money. Another equally ready way to lose him is to refuse to lend him money. It is six of one and a half dozen of the other.
The notion that as a man grows older his illusions leave him is not quite true. What is true is that his early illusions are supplanted by new, and to him, equally convincing illusions.