When I mount the scaffold at last these will be my farewell words to the sheriff: Say what you will against me when I am gone, but don’t forget to add, in common justice, that I was never converted to anything.
The lunatic fringe wags the underdog.
The idea that leisure is of value in itself is only conditionally true. The average man simply spends his leisure as a dog spends it. His recreations are all puerile, and the time supposed to benefit him really only stupefies him.
The average man does not get pleasure out of an idea because he thinks it is true; he thinks it is true because he gets pleasure out of it.
It is not the drinker, but the man who has just stopped drinking, who thinks the world is going to the dogs.
There is no record in history of a happy philosopher.
In the long run all battles are lost, and so are all wars.
The movies today are too rich to have any room for genuine artists. They produce a few passable craftsmen, but no artists. Can you imagine a Beethoven making $100, 000 a year?
Living with a dog is easy- like living with an idealist.
The military caste did not originate as a party of patriots, but as a party of bandits.
There is only one justification for having sinned, and that is to be glad of it.
It is Hell, of course, that makes priests powerful, not Heaven, for after thousands of years of so-called civilization fear remains the one common denominator of mankind.
I give you Chicago. It is not London and Harvard. It is not Paris and buttermilk. It is American in every chitling and sparerib. It is alive from snout to tail.
The most popular man under a democracy is not the most democratic man, but the most despotic man. The common folk delight in the exactions of such a man. They like him to boss them. Their natural gait is the goose step.
A nun, at best, is only half a woman, just as a priest is only half a man.
Always remember this: If you don’t attend the funerals of your friends, they will certainly not attend yours.
It is impossible to believe that the same God who permitted His own son to die a bachelor regards celibacy as an actual sin.
If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be barred from any public office in the United States and the families of the breed would be shipped off to the white slave corrals of Argentina.
The first kiss is stolen by the man; the last is begged by the woman.
Jealousy is the theory that some other fellow has just as little taste.