I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance – a sharp, vindictive glance.
Sixty minutes of thinking of any kind is bound to lead to confusion and unhappiness.
Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?
History is replete with proofs, from Cato the Elder to Kennedy the Younger, that if you scratch a statesman you find an actor, but it is becoming harder and harder, in our time, to tell government from show business.
He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
The dog has seldom been successful in pulling man up to its level of sagacity, but man has frequently dragged the dog down to his.
I always begin at the left with the opening word of the sentence and read toward the right and I recommend this method.
If I have sometimes seemed to make fun of Woman, I assure you it has only been for the purpose of egging her on.
A word to the wise is not sufficient if it doesn’t make sense.
Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?
There is no exception to the rule that every rule has an exception.
Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility.
If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
The most dangerous food is wedding cake.
The past is an old armchair in the attic, the present an ominous ticking sound, and the future is anybody’s guess.
Unless artists can remember what it was to be a little boy, they are only half complete as artist and as man.
One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.
There are two kinds of light – the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures.
Boys are beyond the range of anybody’s sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years.
I have lived in the East for nearly thirty years now, but many of my books prove that I am never very far away from Ohio in my thoughts, and that the clocks that strike in my dreams are often the clocks of Columbus.