I’m a terrible sort of non-fussy eater, really. I don’t like posh food very much, and the more ingredients something’s got in it, the less I tend to like it.
I’ve been breastfeeding for two years. I could light the gas ring with my nipples.
I’ve never been a fan of euphemism.
I’m not really a churchy person, although I do think Jesus was a good bloke.
Whatever situation you are in, that is what is normal for you.
People can forgive each other.
I made a supreme effort not to do that thing that parents do, which is to bore people without children to death by going on and on about how funny their children are, so there’s none of that hopefully.
My doctor told me I should get out of breath three times a week, so I took up smoking.
If you want to get a pet for your child, I suggest a chicken so that when they get bored of it after a couple of days at least you can have a nice roast dinner.
I think it’s really important to be kind, especially to people whose lives are grim – I try hard to cheer people up in as many ways as I can – if all else fails – I tell ’em a joke!
It wasn’t a conscious effort to have kids later. It was just the way life goes.
I’m a real Kentish maid, you know.
Fat people are brilliant in bed. If I’m sitting on top of you, who’s going to argue?
I look like Julian Clary on steroids.
When I was a nurse my favourite assignment was the anorexic ward. I sometimes ate as many as seventeen dinners.
I wouldn’t say I was organised at all. I just have to prioritise. Is it more important for them to be organised, or to have their dinner, do you know what I mean?
An overweight guy went to the doctor who advised him to try a keep fit DVD. But the guy said he couldn’t be bothered. “Well” suggested the doctor, “try something that leaves you a little short of breath.” So the buy took up smoking.
People are so different in reality from the picture created of them on TV. So it’s all a creation; everything is made up.
When you cry, you don’t look very attractive; you look snotty and blotchy. People seem to manage to cry quite prettily these days, and to me, that smacks of not being very genuine.
Suffice to say, many women find their first appearance on a comedy panel show to be their last. Second chances seem to be given less often to the female of the species.