How similar does someone have to be to you before you remember to see them, first, as human?
You can’t plan your life, Finn,′ I say quietly, ‘Because then you have a plan. Not a life.
Well, I know why you love art, even if you don’t,” Kitomi continues, as if I haven’t spoken. “Because art isn’t absolute. A photograph, that’s different. You’re seeing exactly what the photographer wanted you to see. A painting, though, is a partnership. The artist begins a dialogue, and you finish it.” She smiles. “And here’s the incredible part – that dialogue is different every time you view the art. Not because anything changes on the canvas – but because of what changes in you.
Grief, it turns out, is a lot like a one-sided video conversation on an iPad. It’s the call with no response, the echo of affection, the shadow cast by love.
There are two ways of looking at walls. Either they are built to keep people you fear out or they are built to keep people you love in. Either way, you create a divide.
When you can’t see light at the end of the tunnel, it’s hard to remember to keep going.
If you want to understand something, you first need to accept the fact of your own ignorance. And then, you need to talk to people who know more than you do, people who have not just thought about the facts, but lived them.
You cannot trust perception. Falling, at first, feels like flying.
I learned the hard way that you shouldn’t stay with someone because of your past together – what matters more is if you want the same things in the future.
According to Darwin’s Origin of Species, it is not the most intellectual of the species that survives; it is not the strongest that survives; but the species that survives is the one that is able best to adapt and adjust to the changing environment in which it finds itself. – Leon C. Megginson.
Sometimes, making the world a better place just involves creating space for the people who are already in it.
Nobody is guaranteed tomorrow – I realize that viscerally now – but that doesn’t keep us from feeling cheated when it’s yanked away.
Other things that leave you breathless: love so big that it tumbles you like a wave.
We are all flawed, complicated, wounded dreamers; we have more in common with one another than we don’t. Sometimes making the world a better place just involves creating space for the people who are already in it.
Now, I’m wondering why those were ever even goals. We don’t need those things to feel whole. We need to wake up in the morning. We need our bodies to function. We need to enjoy a meal. We need a roof over our head. We need to surround ourselves with people we love. We need to take the wins in a much smaller way.
That was how I learned that the world changes between heartbeats; that life is never an absolute, but always a wager.
The point is, if someone abandons you, it may be less about you and more about them.
I don’t think it’s an invisible chromosome, or the inability to get pregnant, or anything else, that makes people so cruel to transgender folks. I think what they hate is difference. What they hate is that the world is complicated in ways they can’t understand. People want the world to be simple.
You can’t grieve something if you don’t let yourself get close enough to care.
Trying to figure out what happened to me isn’t important. It’s what I do with what I’ve learned that counts.