Lonley, Vaguely pedophilic swing set seeks the butts of children.
If my public existence does anything worthwhile, hopefully it at least demystifies the author a bit, because I know when I was younger I felt like authors were like wizards or something. Turns out they’re total muggles.
Facts, even false ones, cannot be copyrighted.
When was the last good kiss you had?
If I could just stay alive for a week, I’d know the unwritten secrets of Anna’s mom and the Dutch Tulip Guy.
As I recall, you promised to CALL when you finished the book, not text.
The thought of you being removed from the rotation is not funny to me.
Idiotically, it occurred to me that my pink underwear didn’t match my purple bra, as if boys even notice such things.
Hi, I’m at the Speedway at Eighty-sixth and Ditch, and I need an ambulance. The great love of my life has a malfunctioning G-tube.
That deep, can-still-taste-her-in-my-mouth sleep.
I wish I knew how to quit you, Tumblr.
This is it. I can’t even not smoke anymore.
Do not worry too much about your lawn. You will soon find if you haven’t already that almost every adult American devotes tremendous time and money to the maintenance of an invasive plant species called turf grass that we can’t eat. I encourage you to choose better obsessions.
There are many more jobs out there than you have ever heard of. Your dream job might not yet exist. If you had told ‘College Me’ that I would become a professional YouTuber, I would’ve been like, “That is not a word, and it never should be.”
Youth is counted sweetest by those who are no longer young.
You can’t just make me different and then leave. You can’t. You can’t change me and make my whole life centered around you, then leave.
We have to live with ambiguity. We have to give ourselves over to it. The question is: How? How are we going to live in a universe where important questions will always go unanswered?
When it works, anticipation is far more fulfilling than surprise, because we are reminded that a sunrise is precisely as magnificent as it is inevitable.
Like everyone, I’m saddened and horrified by this. All I’ll say is that I’m personally trying to pay more attention to the victims than to their murderer. I certainly will not be mentioning the murderer. I don’t think he warrants our attention-particularly since he so clearly wanted it.
Frankly, I kind of want you to be haunted by the unansweredness of the question, because I think being haunted by such things is a valuable part of being a person.