The nicest veterans in Schenectady, I thought, the kindest and funniest ones, the ones who hated war the most, were the ones who’d really fought.
Just because we think we’re so wonderful doesn’t mean we really are. We could be really terrible animals and just never admit it because it would hurt so much.
History! Read it and weep!
It is harder to be unhappy when you are eating.
We are all experiments in enthusiasms, narrow and preordained.
The economy is a thoughtless weather system.
It seems to me that the most universal revolutionary wish now or ever is a wish for heaven, a wish by a human being to be honored by angels for something other than beauty or usefulness.
If I wrote something that hadn’t really happened, and I tried to sell it, I could go to jail. That’s fraud!
All male writers, incidentally, no matter how broke or otherwise objectionable, have pretty wives. Somebody should look into this.
Freud said he didn’t know what women wanted. I know what women want. They want a whole lot of people to talk to.
No matter how wonderful a sentence is, if it doesn’t add new and useful information, it should be removed.
I am a monopolar depressive descended from monopolar depressives. That’s how come I write so good.
All right – I’ll tell you what you did for me: you went for happy, silly, beautiful walks with me.
If I am going to spend eternity visiting this moment and that, I’m grateful that so many of those moments are nice.
If I should ever die, God forbid, I hope you will say, ‘Kurt is up in heaven now.’ That’s my favorite joke.
Reading a novel, War and Peace for example, is no Catnap. Because a novel is so long, reading one is like being married forever to somebody nobody knows or cares about.
The moral of the story is we’re here on Earth to fart around. And, of course, the computers will do us out of that. And, what the computer people don’t realize, or they don’t care, is we’re dancing animals. You know, we love to move around.
His response was to fight it with the only weapons at hand – passive resistance and open displays of contempt.
The Earthlings behaved at all times as though there were a big eye in the sky – as though that big eye were ravenous for entertainment.
Pay no attention to Caesar. Caesar doesn’t have the slightest idea what’s really going on.