Censorship is the child of fear and the father of ignorance.
I failed eating, failed drinking, failed not cutting myself into shreds. Failed friendship. Failed sisterhood and daughterhood. Failed mirrors and scales and phone calls. Good thing I’m stable.
There is no magic cure, no making it all go away forever. There are only small steps upward; an easier day, an unexpected laugh, a mirror that doesn’t matter anymore.
In one aspect, yes, I believe in ghosts, but we create them. We haunt ourselves.
I am angry that I starved my brain and that I sat shivering in my bed at night instead of dancing or reading poetry or eating ice cream or kissing a boy...
Art without emotion its like chocolate cake without sugar. It makes you gag.
School libraries are the foundations of our culture – not luxuries.
It is easier not to say anything. Shut your trap, button your lip, can it. All that crap you hear on TV about communication and expressing feelings is a lie. Nobody really wants to hear what you have to say.
I need a new friend. I need a friend, period. Not a true friend, nothing close or share clothes or sleepover giggle giggle yak yak. Just a pseudo-friend, disposable friend. Friend as accessory. Just so I don’t feel or look so stupid.
Sometimes I think high school is one long hazy activity: if you are tough enough to survive this, they’ll let you become an adult. I hope it’s worth it.
I knew how much it hurt to be the daughter of people who can’t see you, not even if you are standing in front of them stomping your feet.
I wanted to pull down a book, open it proper, and gobble up page after page.
I knit the afternoon away. I knit reasons for Elijah to come back. I knit apologies for Emma. I knit angry knots and slipped stitches for every mistake I ever made, and I knit wet, swollen stitches that look awful. I knit the sun down.
When people don’t express themselves, they die one piece at a time.
I can’t tell anymore when I’m asleep and when I’m awake, or which is worse.
I have survived. I am here. Confused, screwed up, but here. So, how can I find my way? Is there a chain saw of the soul, an ax I can take to my memories or fears?
Didn’t help to ponder things that were forever gone. It only made a body restless and fill up with bees, all wanting to sting something.
I am not going to think about it. It was ugly, but it’s over, and I’m not going to think about it.
Be careful what you wish for. There’s always a catch.
I am locked into the mirror and there is no door out.