Chilli dawgs always bark at night.
When my love comes back from the ladies’ room, will I be too old to care?
I was afraid they kept the hogs in a pen out behind the hospital. I’ve been prepared for surgery and the doctor says to an orderly, ‘Leon, go out to the hog pen and get me a valve.
It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.
The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.
In the south there’s a difference between ‘Naked’ and ‘Nekkid.’ ‘Naked’ means you don’t have any clothes on. ‘Nekkid’ means you don’t have any clothes on and you’re up to somethin’.
Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.
God bless Merle Haggard. He did all the things that Johnny Cash was supposed to have done.
Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.
Money doesn’t grow on trees, and if it did, someone else would own the orchard.
Yankees don’t understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.
There’s no such thing as being too Southern.
The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.
The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi.