I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.
I’ve given up reading books. I find it takes my mind off myself.
It’d be nice to please everyone but I thought it would be more interesting to have a point of view.
I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.
Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.
So little time and so little to do.
I never watch the Dinah Shore show- I’m a diabetic.
When I can’t sleep, I read a book by Steve Allen.
A pun is the lowest form of humor – when you don’t think of it first.
I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.
Once he makes up his mind, he’s full of indecision. – On Dwight D. Eisenhower.
I am no more humble than my talents require.
I don’t drink. I don’t like it. It makes me feel good.
I’m controversial. My friends either dislike me or hate me.
I’m going to memorize your name and throw my head away.
It’s not what you are, it’s what you don’t become that hurts.
Happiness isn’t something you experience; it’s something you remember.
Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you’ll find the real tinsel underneath.
In some situations I was difficult, in odd moments impossible, in rare moments loathsome, but at my best unapproachably great.
I played an unsympathetic part – myself.