There is no Great Dark Man!!!
It is no longer possible to be exotic.
Bit by bit, I was becoming the almost acceptable face of homosexuality.
I don’t think you can really be proud of being gay because it isn’t something you’ve done. You can only be proud of not being ashamed.
Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.
For flavor, instant sex will never supersede the stuff you have to peel and cook.
No effort is required to define or even attain happiness, but enormous concentration is needed to abandon everything else.
The British do not expect happiness. I had the impression, all the time that I lived there, that they do not want to be happy; they want to be right.
Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.
You fall out of your mother’s womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave.
If Mr. Vincent Price were to be co-starred with Miss Bette Davis in a story by Mr. Edgar Allan Poe directed by Mr. Roger Corman, it could not fully express the pent-up violence and depravity of a single day in the life of the average family.
The consuming desire of most human beings is deliberately to plant their whole life in the hands of some other person. I would describe this method of searching for happiness as immature. Development of character consists solely in moving toward self-sufficiency.
The curiosity of the neighbors about you, is a tribute to your individuality, and you should encourage it.
The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple: you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
However low a man sinks he never reaches the level of the police.
If you describe things as better than they are, you are considered to be a romantic; if you describe things as worse than they are, you will be called a realist; and if you describe things exactly as they are, you will be thought of as a satirist.
Men get laid, but women get screwed.
To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody.
It’s no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying, ‘Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.’ By then, pigs will be your style.
The war between the sexes is the only one in which both sides regularly sleep with the enemy.