I learned more about elections on election night 2000 than I ever did during my 16 years of schooling.
It looks like garbage, my ass. But trust me, you’re lucky it’s not full-frontal.
The head writer loves that my character is a boor.
Pat OBrien knows nothing. Hes on the Hell express.
I’ve got like a week and a half left, all bets are off.
I have a wife and two daughters; people who depend on me. Everything is more important than it was when I was 20. But now I’m like, “Eh, I made it this far.”
I get all of my comedy from CNN.
I just want to do cool stuff.
I remember saying in college that I would never do commercials.
If anything, there’s more at stake when you’re older, and more responsibility and more legitimate things to worry about.
I touched an Oscar once. Friend of mine has one, for writing. As soon as I touched it, he said, Now you’ll never win one.
Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you’re really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously.
You’re encouraged to pitch your own story. That way, you’ll have more control over what you do.
For most of my life, I was a worrier and an over-thinker. I had pretty bad social anxiety.
Why should I be feeling tension? It’s The Daily Show.
Apparently it’s cool to watch The Daily Show.
Ethanol is, in its pure form, just as much of a sham as oil.
I actually got the part. And I thought, Well, I’ll do it for a while. I’ll just quit if it’s stupid.
I didn’t hang any pictures in my office for a year because I thought that I would be jinxing myself and have to take them down the next day.
I have to stay true to myself.