The combination of realizing our distinctiveness along with our unity is seeing interdependence.
When we relate to ourselves with loving kindness, perfectionism naturally drops away.
Wholehearted acceptance is a basic element of love, starting with love for ourselves, and a gateway to joy. Through the practices of loving kindness and self-compassion, we can learn to love our flawed and imperfect selves. And in those moments of vulnerability, we open our hearts to connect with each other, as well. We are not perfect, but we are enough.
Everyone we interact with has the capacity to surprise us in an infinite number of ways. What can first open us up to each of our innate capacities for love is merely to recognize that.
Sit comfortably, in a relaxed way, and close your eyes. As much as possible, let go of analysis and expectation. For ten to fifteen minutes, call to mind something you have done or said that you feel was a kind or good action – a time you were generous, or caring, or contributed to someone’s well-being. If something comes to mind, allow the happiness that may come with the remembrance. If nothing comes to mind, gently turn your attention to a quality you like about yourself.
When we bring deep awareness to whatever’s bothering us, the same things might be happening, but we are able to relate to them differently.
Sharing food is a metaphor for all giving. When we offer someone food, we are not just giving that person something to eat; we are giving far more. We give strength, health, beauty, clarity of mind, and even life, because none of those things would be possible without food. So when we feed another, this is what we are offering: the substance of life itself.
One of the most powerful aspects of delusion, or ignorance, is the belief that what we do does not really matter.
Smiling at someone can have significant health consequences.
If we are nothing, there is nothing at all to serve as a barrier to our boundless expression of love. Being nothing in this way, we are also, inevitably, everything. ‘Everything’ does not mean self-aggrandizement, but a decisive recognition of interconnection; we are not separate. Both the clear, open space of ‘nothing’ and the interconnected mess of ‘everything’ awakens us to our true nature.
Our vision becomes very narrow when we need things to be a certain way and cannot accept things the way they actually are.
With mindfulness, loving kindness, and self-compassion, we can begin to let go of our expectations about how life and those we love should be.
Connecting to your breath when thoughts or images arise is like spotting a friend in a crowd: you don’t have to shove everyone else aside or order them to go away; you just direct your attention, your enthusiasm, your interest toward your friend. ‘Oh,’ you think, ’there’s my friend in that crowd. Oh, there’s my breath, among those thoughts and feelings and sensations.
We so often in our lives serve as mirrors for one another. We look to others to find out if we ourselves are lovable; we look to others to find out if we are capable of feeling love; we look to others for a reflection of our innate radiance.
Mindfulness won’t ensure you’ll win an argument with your sister. Mindfulness won’t enable you to bypass your feelings of anger or hurt either. But it may help you see the conflict in a new way, one that allows you to break through old patterns.
Cultivation of positive emotions, including self-love and self-respect, strengthens our inner resources and opens us to a broader range of thoughts and actions.
Even as we recognize our resentment, bitterness, or jealousy, we can also honor our own wish to be happy, to feel free.
Can we allow the lives of others to be different from ours and feel happy for them? Can we rejoice for them as their happiness grows, in whatever way that is happening?
The Buddha taught that we can feel pleasure fully, yet without craving or clinging, without defining it as our ultimate happiness. We can feel pain fully without condemning or hating it. And we can experience neutral events by being fully present, so that they are not just fill-in times until something more exciting comes along.
Albert Einstein goes, “The problems we face cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.