We don’t need giant personalities to transform companies. We need leaders who build not their own egos but the institutions they run.
The bias against introversion leads to a colossal waste of talent, energy, and happiness.
I’m insatiably curious about human nature. I feel very lucky that as a writer I get to learn so much about it just to do my job right.
I’m insatiably curious about human nature.
Some introverts are perfectly comfortable with public speaking; I’m not one of them.
Your tendency to be inward-directed or outward-directed is huge; it governs every part of the way you live and work and love.
A widely held, but rarely articulated, belief in our society is that the ideal self is bold, alpha, gregarious. Introversion is viewed somewhere between disappointment and pathology.
I use a lot of old-fashioned expressions.
I get a lot of letters from introverts asking how they can meet people. The key is to make sure that you are doing things you enjoy.
I actually find extroversion to be a really appealing personality style.
Even when the attention focused on me is positive, I am uncomfortable being looked at by a lot of people – it’s just not my natural state of being.
As a parent, if give yourself what you need, your children will watch you doing that and will give themselves what they need.
Any time people come together in a meeting, we’re not necessarily getting the best ideas; we’re just getting the ideas of the best talkers.
Solve problems, make art, think deeply.
Shyness is inherently uncomfortable; introversion is not. The traits do overlap, though psychologists debate to what degree.
I’ve never given a speech without being terrified first.
Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.
So stay true to your own nature. If you like to do things in a slow and steady way, don’t let others make you feel as if you have to race. If you enjoy depth, don’t force yourself to seek breadth. If you prefer single-tasking to multi-tasking, stick to your guns. Being relatively unmoved by rewards gives you the incalculable power to go your own way.
I worry that there are people who are put in positions of authority because they’re good talkers, but they don’t have good ideas. It’s so easy to confuse schmoozing ability with talent. Someone seems like a good presenter, easy to get along with, and those traits are rewarded. Well, why is that? They’re valuable traits, but we put too much of a premium on presenting and not enough on substance and critical thinking.
Whoever you are, bear in mind that appearance is not reality. Some people act like extroverts, but the effort costs them energy, authenticity, and even physical health. Others seem aloof or self-contained, but their inner landscapes are rich and full of drama. So the next time you see a person with a composed face and a soft voice, remember that inside her mind she might be solving an equation, composing a sonnet, designing a hat. She might, that is, be deploying the powers of quiet.