The bed under my back is filled with broken clouds and freshly fallen snow; it’s too soft, too comfortable.
Grieve nothing in this transitory world.
Because i never really know, i still can’t tell the difference, I’m never quite certain whether or not i’m actually alive.
I was a coward who needed someone to tell me i was worth something before i took any steps to save myself.
No one is ever close enough. I suck in my breath and wait for him to walk away like everyone else in my life. I want to smash this concrete world into oblivion. I want to be bigger, better, stronger. I want to be angry angry angry.
He strokes my hair and tells me stories and tucks me close like he’s afraid I’ll disappear. He paints pictures of people and places until I’m drowning in a drug of dreams to escape a world with no refuge, no relief, no release but his reassurances in my ear.
He’s such a social guy – and so popular around here – that sometimes I wonder where he got it from. In many ways he’s the exact opposite of me. He likes to let a lot of people in; I like to keep most people out.
His lips are spelling secrets and my ears are spilling ink, staining my skin with his stories.
I’m starving my stomach is a tortured pit of starvation I’m so hungry so hungry so hungry I can’t even imagine what real food must taste like.
I was tired of focusing on my anger. I was tired of focusing only on my memories of terrible people and the terrible things they’d said and done to me. I was tired of it. The darkness took up too much valuable real estate in my head.
This is the antonym of excellent.
The possibility of losing him is 100 years of solitude I don’t want to imagine.
My bones are like cubes of ice clinking together, chilling me to my core.
You’re my bird,” I tell him. “You’re my bird and you’re going to help me fly away.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me tonight. I feel off, unbalanced. Aching for something. I’m losing sight of my purpose, my sense of direction. I always tell myself that I’m fighting every day for hope, for the salvation of humanity, but every time I survive only to return to yet more loss and devastation, something comes loose inside of me. It’s like the people and places I love are the nuts and bolts keeping me upright; without them, I’m just scrap metal.
It’s that terrible moment when you’re sitting still so still so still because you don’t want them to see you cry you don’t want to cry but your lips won’t stop trembling and your eyes are filled to the brim with please and I beg you and please and I’m sorry and please and have mercy and maybe this time it’ll be different but it’s always the same. There’s no one to run to for comfort. No one on your side.
The command is cool and strong like steel, dangerously calm, effortlessly powerful.
I could eat every person in this room.
I can’t help but find it both painful and beautiful that Warner lost a mother and gained two brothers in the same week.
She could hear his heart again and she was immediately thrown by the beauty of it. The songs of his soul; the harmony within him: It was incredible.