Them as can do has to do for them as can’t. And someone has to speak up for them as has no voices.
Because some stories end, but old stories go on, and you gotta dance to the music if you want to stay ahead.
Sometimes I really think people ought to have to pass a proper exam before they’re allowed to be parents. Not just the practical, I mean.
You do know you could find yourself charged with being a dominant species while under the influence of impulse-driven consumerism, don’t you?
Don’t be smart. Smart is only a polished version of dumb. Try intelligence. It will surely see you through.
This wasn’t food – it was what food became if it had been good and gone to food heaven.
Moist was sure doctors keep skeletons around to cow patients. Nyer, nyer, we know what you look underneath...
If he’d been a hero, he would have taken the opportunity to say, “That’s what I call sorted!” Since he wasn’t a hero, he threw up.
What did they feed the lions and tigers with in the ark, sir?
I see evil when I look in my shaving mirror. It is, philosophically, present everywhere in the universe in order, apparently, to highlight the existence of good. I think there is more to this theory, but I tend to burst out laughing at this point.
I would not like it thought that I do not buy my own paperclips, sir. I enjoy owning my own paperclips. It means they are mine.
Juliet’s version of cleanliness was next to godliness, which was to say it was erratic, past all understanding and was seldom seen.
The trouble with thinking was that, once you started, you went on doing it.
What was the point of education, he thought, if people went out afterward and used it?
I commend my soul to any god that can find it.
Most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally evil, but by people being fundamentally people.
When much is taken, something is returned.
It is a long-cherished tradition among a certain type of military thinker that huge casualties are the main thing. If they are on the other side then this is a valuable bonus.
There was a man and he had eight sons. Apart from that, he was nothing more than a comma on the page of History. It’s sad, but that’s all you can say about some people.
You were safe on a troll. Anyone wanting to mug a troll would have to use a building on a stick.