There’s always free cheddar in the mousetrap, baby.
I may be drunk but at least I’m not insane.
I sold a quart of blood and bought a half a pint of scotch.
Are you still jumping out of windows in expensive clothes?
You can drive out nature with a pitch fork But it always comes roaring back again.
The devil knows the Bible like the back of his hand.
Misery is the River of the World.
There’s truths there that spiral out of what appears to be just a word game. That’s what I find mystifying about the meanings of things: they kind of unscrew themselves from the practical words.
Bill Hicks – blowtorch, excavator, truthsayer, and brain specialist. He will correct your vision. Others will drive on the road he built.
I think I have an adrenaline addiction, no question about that.
Well, they’ll bark you down like carneys, sell you Christmas cards in June.
I took a hundred dollars from a blindman’s hand.
My wife called me a mule. She once said, “I didn’t marry a man; I married a mule!” I kept thinking about it. It was in the back of my head. I think it makes a good title for an album.
When you say you’re doing an opera, it’s like when you’re a seven-year-old and say, ‘I’m off to Washington, Dad.’ You kind of go, ‘Sure. Sure you are, son.’
Did the devil make the world while God was sleeping?
You know, we just buy music now. We don’t make it any more. And that goes for just about everything. I think it’s so important that people develop and subscribe to and have confidence in their own ability to make music, however rough it is.
I don’t like hearing Beatles songs in commercials. It almost renders them useless. I think, ‘Oh God, another one bites the dust.’
Jesus Christ, this godamn rain, will someone put me on a train.
If you walk with Jesus, he’s gonna save your soul. You gotta keep the devil way down in the hole. He’s got the fire and the fury at his command.
It’s hard to play with a bagpipe player. It’s like an exotic bird. I love the sound, it’s like strangling a goose.