The moral of the story of the Pilgrims is that if you work hard all your life and behave yourself every minute and take no time out for fun you will break practically even, if you can borrow enough money to pay your taxes.
Galvani was mistaken about the amount of electricity in frogs, but he had some good ideas, too, for the galvanometer is named in his honor, and you don’t have galvanometers named after you merely for making a mistake about a frog.
Frogs will eat red-flannel worms fed to them by biologists; this proves a great deal about both parties concerned.
Young normal tigers do not eat people. If eaten by a tiger you may rest assured he was abnormal.
Alexander III of Macedon is known as Alexander the Great because he killed more people of more different kinds than any other man of his time.
Henry VIII had so many wives because his dynastic sense was very strong whenever he saw a maid of honour.
The male is colored much more gorgeously than the female so that he can be shot and made into feather embroidery.
To the seeing eye life is mostly Sparrows.
Ah, well! We live and learn, or, anyway, we live.
I borrow to pay my honest debts and not to squander foolishly. What’s more, I confine my borrowing to those who can well afford it. I don’t go around sponging on widows and orphans unless they have plenty.
Just when you’re beginning to think pretty well of people, you run across somebody who puts sugar on sliced tomatoes.
Let’s not be too quick to blame the human race for everything. A great many species of animals became extinct before man ever appeared on earth.
Armadillos make affectionate pets, if you need affection that much.
Aristotle taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons.
All Modern Men are descended from a Wormlike creature but it shows more on some people.
Humor springs from rage, hay fever, overdue rent and miscellaneous hell.
The stork is voiceless because there is really nothing to say.
Never call anyone a baboon unless you are sure of your facts.
We all make mistakes, but intelligence enables us to do it on purpose.
A hermit is simply a person to whom civilization has failed to adjust itself.