Perhaps you’re a parent and you bought this book to learn how to raise an achievement-oriented, drug-free adult virgin... The essential ingredients, I can tell you up front, are a strong father figure, bad skin, and a child-sized colonial-lady outfit.

— Tina Fey

Tina Fey Quotes

Sometimes the teachers would ask her to translate bad news. “Please tell Mrs. Fondulas that her son is very disruptive.” And my mom would nod and say in Greek, “George is a lovely boy.” Because she knew if she really translated that, the kid would get a beating and the mother would hate her forever out of embarrassment.

— Tina Fey

Sometimes they ask if you want to hook up your iPod for background music. Do not do this. It’s a trap. They’ll put it on shuffle, and no matter how much Beastie Boys or Velvet Underground you have on there, the following four tracks will play in a row; “We’d Like to Thank You Herbert Hoover” from Annie, “Hold On” by Wilson Phillips, “That’s What Friends Are For, Various Artists, and “We’d Like to Thank You Herbert Hoover” from Annie.

— Tina Fey

The rules of improvisation appealed to me not only as a way of creating comedy, but as a worldview. Studying improvisation literally changed my life. It set me on a career path toward Saturday Night Live. It changed the way I look at the world, and it’s where I met my husband. What has your cult done for you lately?

— Tina Fey

Again, don’t waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions, go over, under, through.

— Tina Fey

Some photographers are compulsively effusive. “Beautiful. Amazing. Gorgeous! Ugh, so gorgeous!” they yell at shutter speed. If you are anything less than insane, you will realize this is not sincere. It’s hard to take because it’s more positive feedback than you’ve received in your entire life thrown at you in fifteen seconds.

— Tina Fey

Q: Is 30 Rock the most racist show on television? A: No, in my opinion it’s NFL football. Why do they portray all those guys as murderers and rapists?

— Tina Fey

It would be a great exercise for someone thinks they want to move to New York: Sit in an enclosed space full of fumes and hold hands with a stranger for twenty minutes while everyone around you speaks a language you don’t understand, If you enjoy this, you will enjoy the 6 train.

— Tina Fey

We should strive to make our society more like Summer Showtime: Mostly a meritocracy, despite some vicious backstabbing. Everyone gets a spot in the chorus. Bring white shorts from home.

— Tina Fey

This is your dad, huh?” What are they realizing? I wonder. That they’d better never mess with me, or Don Fey will yell at them? That I have high expectations for the men in my life because I have a strong father figure?

— Tina Fey

My husband doesn’t like to fly. He does fly now because he doesn’t want our daughter to grow up thinking he is a Don Knotts character. But when we were first married, he didn’t fly.

— Tina Fey

Ever since I became an executive producer of 30 Rock, people have asked me, ‘Is it hard for you, being the boss?’ And, ‘Is it uncomfortable for you to be the person in charge?’ You know, in that same way they say, ‘Gosh, Mr. Trump, is it awkward for you to be the boss of all these people?

— Tina Fey

We all mentally prepare ourselves for wrinkles, but wrinkles are not the problem. It’s the unexpected grosseries.

— Tina Fey

Someone should do a study of the human brain and how quickly it can adjust to luxury.

— Tina Fey

Do I think Photoshop is being used excessively? Yes. I saw Madonna’s Louis Vuitton ad and honestly, at first glance, I thought it was Gwen Stefani’s baby.

— Tina Fey

Perhaps you’re a parent and you bought this book to learn how to raise an achievement-oriented, drug-free adult virgin... The essential ingredients, I can tell you up front, are a strong father figure, bad skin, and a child-sized colonial-lady outfit.

— Tina Fey

Two peanuts were walking down the street, and one was a salted.

— Tina Fey

The way down from Old Rag is a forest road. We found a stream in the woods and finally got a drink of water. We scooped it up with our hands and it was the greatest, most satisfying drink of water I ever had in my life.

— Tina Fey

Also, don’t be afraid to make them get your hair, makeup, and lighting right. It’s not vanity, because if you look weird, it will distract from what you’re trying to do. If you look as good as you can, people will be able to pay attention to what you’re actually saying.

— Tina Fey

It is a testament to my parents that they never reacted negatively to the four-year-long pride parade that marched through their house.

— Tina Fey

My girl Marlene can talk to anyone. She could talk to a Frankenstein about neck bolts.

— Tina Fey
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