So long as my checks cleared, I’d no interest in figuring down to the penny how poor I always was. For the same reason, I’ve put off writing a book on writing. I didn’t want to be faced with how little I could offer on the subject. How stupid I remained after all this time and practice.

— Chuck Palahniuk

Chuck Palahniuk Quotes

Ghoulie or ghosty or long-legged beastie, I just want my hand held.

— Chuck Palahniuk

Monster Girl Steals Festive Holiday Bird.

— Chuck Palahniuk

Posing girl, you are so Godawful ugly. Did you let an elephant sit on your face or what?

— Chuck Palahniuk

The first time Marla filled a crematory urn, she didn’t wear a face mask, and later she blew her nose and there in the tissue was a black mess of Mr. Whoever.

— Chuck Palahniuk

Between the yams and the stuffing, Dad looks down at his plate and says, “Do you know about rimming?” I know it isn’t table talk. “And fisting?” my mom asks.

— Chuck Palahniuk

Either a brave, stubborn southern belle is trying to keep the Union army from burning the apartment next door, or somebody’s television is too loud.

— Chuck Palahniuk

We’re bright young things, and no bright young thing wants to squander his life as a custodian to the dead.

— Chuck Palahniuk

When nobody will look at you, you can stare a hole in them.

— Chuck Palahniuk

Religion... is merely what people invent when they wake late at night filled with ancient terror of being found out in their little nest of grasses and torn to shreds by the inevitable.

— Chuck Palahniuk

And, leaning over sideways to look, Comrade Snarky says, “My eyes are green, not brown, and my hair is naturally this color auburn.” She watches as he writes green, then says, “And I have a little red rose tattooed on my butt cheek.” Her eyes settle on the silver tape recorder peeking out of his shirt pocket, the little-mesh microphone of it, and she says, “Don’t write dyed hair. Women either lift or tint the color of their hair.

— Chuck Palahniuk

I’d make you list at least fifty hand signals. That way you’d always, always be aware of the variety of gestures you can insert into dialogue.

— Chuck Palahniuk

Create tension by pitting your character’s gestures against his or her words.

— Chuck Palahniuk

The insomnia distance of everything, a copy of a copy of a copy. You can’t touch anything, and nothing can touch you.

— Chuck Palahniuk

The insomnia was on again, and I was in the mood to destroy something beautiful.

— Chuck Palahniuk

The fifth rule about Project Mayhem is you have to trust Tyler.

— Chuck Palahniuk

For serious, the Mommy told him, “Art never comes from happiness.

— Chuck Palahniuk

Just because it’s anal intercourse doesn’t mean it’s not love.

— Chuck Palahniuk

Yawning and laughter,” she went on to explain, “are contagious because they were the protohuman’s method for regulating the mood of their group or tribe.

— Chuck Palahniuk

It’s Project Mayhem that’s going to save the world. A cultural ice age. A prematurely induced dark age. Project Mayhem will force humanity to go dormant or into remission long enough for the Earth to recover.

— Chuck Palahniuk

All much valued education of Pavel, all skill and experience, every memories, dreams for glory, regrets, affection and loathing, education of history events and trigonometry equation, entire personality with identity, all of these blasted. All skill and talents. Past and future. All meticulous plan and training and practice. Pulverized and shattered. All former joy and sorrow made steaming gray meatloaf, evicted from skull out exit wound.

— Chuck Palahniuk
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