Anxiety gets sticky and destructive when we start becoming anxious about being anxious. Paradoxically, anxiety also makes us more self-centered, since when we’re acutely anxious, we obsess over ourselves and what others think of us.23.
After meticulously analyzing videos of 185 venture capital presentations – looking at both verbal and nonverbal behavior – Lakshmi ended up with results that surprised her: the strongest predictor of who got the money was not the person’s credentials or the content of the pitch. The strongest predictors of who got the money were these traits: confidence, comfort level, and passionate enthusiasm.
The way you carry yourself is a source of personal power – the kind of power that is the key to presence. It’s the key that allows you to unlock yourself – your abilities, your creativity, your courage, and even your generosity. It doesn’t give you skills or talents you don’t have; it helps you to share the ones you do have. It doesn’t make you smarter or better informed; it makes you more resilient and open. It doesn’t change who you are; it allows you to be who you are.
We don’t rush our words. We’re not afraid to pause. We feel deserving of the time we’re using. We even make more direct eye contact while we’re speaking.
Expanding your body language – through posture, movement, and speech – makes you feel more confident and powerful, less anxious and self-absorbed, and generally more positive.
It was divine because it was exactly you. It was the very best you – the strongest most generous you.
He speaks in a deep, calm, resonant voice. He is honest and humble yet confident and strong. He never rushes. He does not fear pauses, and because he doesn’t fear them, neither do we. That’s how presence begets presence.
A warm, trustworthy person who is also strong elicits admiration, but only after you’ve established trust does your strength become a gift rather than a threat. I’m.
Presence stems from believing our own stories.
Virtually everyone can recall a moment when they felt they were being true to themselves, but few can say they always feel that way.
In an early study on power and management, supervisors who felt powerless used more coercive power – threats of punishment or even being fired – when dealing with a “problem worker,” whereas supervisors who felt powerful used more personal persuasion approaches, such as praise or admonishment.26 In another study, managers who felt powerless were more ego-defensive, causing them to solicit less input. In fact, managers who felt powerless judged employees who voiced opinions more negatively.27.
Those who succeeded did not spend their precious moments in the spotlight worrying about how they were doing or what others thought of them. No spirit under the stairs awaited them, because they knew they were doing their best. In other words, those who succeeded were fully present, and their presence was palpable. It came through mostly in nonverbal ways – vocal qualities, gestures, facial expressions, and so on.
In short, our body language, which is often based on prejudices, shapes the body language of the people we’re interacting with.
True confidence stems from real love and leads to long-term commitment to growth. False confidence comes from desperate passion and leads to dysfunctional relationships, disappointment, and frustration. The.
When you are present and available, people have a desire to offer you their authentic self. All you have to do is ask. No one keeps a secret. No one. And they might be resistant initially to telling you something, but eventually they’ll give you their whole life story,” Julianne said. “And it’s because of people’s desire to be seen.
Expanding your body physiologically prepares you to be present; it overrides your instinct to fight or flee, allowing you to be grounded, open, and engaged.
Presence isn’t about pretending to be competent; it’s about believing in and revealing the abilities you truly have. It’s about shedding whatever is blocking you from expressing who you are. It’s about tricking yourself into accepting that you are indeed capable. Sometimes.
We should be able to attend and respond to others, but focusing on them too much isn’t just counterproductive, it’s also destructive, undermining our self-confidence and interfering with our ability to notice what’s being exchanged in the moment. Even in the imagined power pose condition, people were able to fully inhabit the moment – noticing without judging their environment, feeling neither threatened by nor dominant over the strangers coming in and out of the room.
Power makes us fearless, independent, and less susceptible to outside pressures and expectations, allowing us to be more creative.
When we feel powerful, we’re less self-conscious about expressing our feelings and beliefs, and that frees us to think and do great things.