Something was not dead within me, in the depths of my heart and conscience it would not die, and it showed itself in acute depression.
Man is an enigma. This enigma must be solved, and if you spend all your life at it, don’t say you have wasted your time; I occupy myself with this enigma because I wish to be a man.
What are we here for? We are not alive though we are living and we are not in our graves though we are dead.
I certainly was in some uneasiness. I was, of course, not accustomed to society of any kind. At school I had been on familiar terms with my schoolfellows, but I was scarcely friends with anyone; I made a little corner for myself and lived in it. But this was not what disturbed me. In any case I vowed not to let myself be drawn into argument and to say nothing beyond what was necessary, so that no one could draw any conclusions about me; above all – to avoid argument.
When i look around me, i realize that people don’t care, hardly anyone does, and i’m the only one who cannot bear it. It is dreadful, just dreadful!
Do you know that one day I’ll kill you? I won’t do it because I’m no longer in love with you, or because I’m jealous, but – I’ll just kill you for no better reason that I sometimes long to devour you.
Well, then, eliminate the people, curtail them, force them to be silent. Because the European Enlightenment is more important than people.
Do you understand that the Luzhin smartness is just the same thing as Sonia’s and may be worse, viler, baser, because in your case, Dounia, it ’s a bargain for luxuries, after all, but with Sonia it’s simply a question of starvation.
Yesterday I was a fool; today I know better.
Beauty is very difficult to judge. I’m not ready for it yet. Beauty is a mystery.
She always laughed very gaily and sometimes even sincerely.
It was a sad and dismal day today, rainy, without a ray of hope, just like the long days of my old age which I know will be as sad and dismal.
So let me tell you that in the last analysis, this world of God’s – I don’t accept it, even though I know that it exists, and I don’t admit its validity in any way. It isn’t God I don’t accept, you see; it’s the world created by Him, the world of God I don’t accept and cannot agree to accept.
No living man lives without some sort of goal and a striving towards it. Having lost both goal and hope, a man often turns into a monster from anguish...
A true act of love, unlike imaginary love, is hard and forbidding. Imaginary love yearns for an immediate heroic act that is achieved quickly and seen by everyone. People may actually reach a point where they are willing to sacrifice their lives, as long as the ordeal doesn’t last too long, is quickly over – just like on the stage, with the public watching and admiring. A true act of love, on the other hand, requires hard work and patience, and, for some, it is a whole way of life.
But again the eternal question – what need is there of my humility? Can’t I simply be devoured without being expected to praise what devours me?
People. People. Endless noise. And I am so tired. And I would like to sleep under trees; red ones, blue ones, swirling passionate ones.
We mortals who dwell in pain and sorrow might with reason envy the birds of heaven which know not either!
We have reached a stage at which we have surrounded ourselves with more things, but have less joy.
Though only a short while ago he had been for a moment overcome by a sudden longing for any sort of human companionship, he could not, at the first words addressed to him, restrain the all-to-familiar, unpleasant and irritating feeling of aversion for any stranger who tried to encroach on his privacy.