Good comedy helps people know they’re not alone. Great comedy provides an answer.
My voice was not heard, the questions were not asked that I wanted to see asked.
Been on what I call my Flying Saucer Tour – appearing in small Southern towns – in front of handfuls of hillbillies.
Do I have a message? Yes, I do. Here’s my message: as scary as the world is – and it is – it is merely a ride...
People always snap and think they’re Jesus. How come no one ever snaps and thinks they’re Buddha?
Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that’s why you giggle the first hour.
Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally on our planet, serves a thousand different functions, all of them positive. To make marijuana against the law is like saying that God made a mistake.
You’re not a human till you’re in my phone book. There. My hat is now in the political ring.
You all saw him – he had a gun.
Truly, the only stupid people I’ve ever met, the most absolutely clueless, are the very people that produce television.
I am available for children’s parties, by the way...
Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks.
Will there be titty? Sure. Boom! I’m a producer. Where you been all our life, boy? We been lookin for you in Hollywood.
Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day.
As long as one person lives in darkness then it seems to be a responsibility to tell other people.
I don’t identify with anyone historically, but there are several people in the future who I am a dead ringer for.
I believe it is our own misperceptions of who we really are that leads to every self-created hell you’ll find in this world.
I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift.
Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up.
Be yourself on stage. Nobody else can be you and you have the law of supply and demand covered.
I wouldn’t give Satan a snowball’s chance in Hell against a woman’s ego...