Cancer is probably the most unfunny thing in the world, but I’m a comedian, and even cancer couldn’t stop me from seeing the humor in what I went through.
I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch.
Having cancer gave me membership in an elite club I’d rather not belong to.
I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they’re the first to be rescued off sinking ships.
I can always be distracted by love, but eventually I get horny for my creativity.
I would rather be funny than gorgeous, absolutely. Because it’s too hard to be gorgeous, you know. I could make a stab at gorgeous as long as I had something funny to say to get out of it.
You feel completely in control when you hear a wave of laughter coming back at you that you have caused.
Dreams are like paper, they tear so easily.
I love being a woman. You can cry. You get to wear pants now. If you’re on a boat and it’s going to sink, you get to go on the rescue boat first. You get to wear cute clothes. It must be a great thing, or so many men wouldn’t be wanting to do it.
Adopted kids are such a pain – you have to teach them how to look like you.
I grew up in front of a television. I guess I’ll grow old inside of one.
Comedy is very controlling – you are making people laugh.
I have always found men who were funny, irresistible. It’s rare that I ever based love on looks or superficial things, but it a guy made me laugh-and that didn’t mean he had to be in comedy professionally – I was hooked.
I would say that Lucy, ‘I Love Lucy,’ she was my idol.
Humor is just truth, only faster!
Fame changes a lot of things, but it can’t change a light bulb.
Show business is like riding a bicycle – when you fall off, the best thing to do is get up, brush yourself off and get back on again.
It’s always something.
I think clothes should make you feel safe. I like clothes you want to go to sleep in. I sometimes stand in front of a mirror and change a million times because I know I really want to wear my nightgown.
I’m not really an impersonator.
Some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end.