Velveeta: you can eat it – or wax your car with it!
If I’m such a legend, then why am I so lonely? If I’m such a legend, then why do I sit at home for hours staring at the damned telephone, hoping it’s out of order, even calling the operator asking her if she’s sure it’s not out of order?
On daughter Liza Minnelli: I think she decided to go into show business when she was an embryo, she kicked so much.
Soon the sun beams will smile through. Before you jump out of that bed, just know, the thought of you was the first thing that hit my head. Good morning my darling.
If I’m such a legend, then why am I so lonely? Let me tell you, legends are all very well if you’ve got somebody around who loves you.
I’m the original take-orders girl.
I think there’s something peculiar about me that I haven’t died. It doesn’t make sense but I refuse to die.
I’ve seen the ticket, and I still can’t believe it. When I see the money, I hope I don’t hit the floor.
My life, my career has been like a roller coaster. I’ve either been an enormous success or just a down-and-out failure.
You know something? I’m decent! There isn’t a great deal of decency in the world, especially in our business, and I’m one of the few really decent ladies around.
Give the people what they want and then go have a hamburger.
When I die I have visions of fags singing ‘Over the Rainbow’ and the flag at Fire Island being flown at half mast.
I was born in a lovely white house with a garden.
I truly have a great love for an audience, and I used to want to prove it to them by giving them blood.
Audiences have kept me alive.
I’m just an Irish biddy.
Hollywood is a strange place if you’re in trouble. Everybody thinks it’s contagious.
As for my feelings toward ‘Over the Rainbow,’ it’s become part of my life. It is so symbolic of all my dreams and wishes that I’m sure that’s why people sometimes get tears in their eyes when they hear it.
When you have lived the life I’ve lived, when you’ve loved and suffered, and been madly happy and desperately sad – well, that’s when you realize you’ll never be able to set it all down. Maybe you’d rather die first.
Well, we have a whole new year ahead of us. And wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could all be a little more gentle with each other, a little more loving, and have a little more empathy, and maybe, next year at this time we’d like each other a little more.