If you’re not sure you could love your children, please don’t have them, because they might grow up and kill us.
Keep up with what’s causing chaos in your own field.
Read to make yourself smarter! Less judgmental. More apt to understand your friends’ insane behavior, or better yet, your own.
I believe that if a seven-year old kid has heard of Naked Lunch and is daring enough to want to read it, he’s old enough to read it.
Nora Ephron’s great line that “overtipping only costs a few dollars more.
All ideology can be embraced if the leader dresses well.
There’s a prison there, too, which always makes me feel included.
Fantasies are like extra cash. They need to be banked for later use.
And yep, here’s yet one more heterosexual man who loves his wife. I’m telling you, it’s a trend! Women I know who are always complaining they can never meet a good straight man – maybe you’re living in the wrong part of the country. Maybe you need to hitchhike. Route 70 West could be the path to a great marriage. Go ahead, stick out your thumb for romance.
You don’t need fashion designers when you are young. Have faith in your own bad taste. Buy the cheapest thing in your local thrift shop – the clothes that are freshly out of style with even the hippest people a few years older than you. Get on the fashion nerves of your peers, not your parents – that is the key to fashion leadership.
If I could pick my own death, it would be on a roller coaster that jumps the tracks and careens into a packed crowd at a cotton candy stand at a state fair.
Librarians are always smart, a little nuts, and know how to party.
Tenemos que hacer que los libros vuelvan a molar. Si vas a casa de alguien y no tiene libros, no te lo folles.
JOHN WATERS: In Cry-Baby Traci played a sexpot-which is always the best way to rid yourself of an image, by playing it and making fun of it. That’s what Johnny Deep did, too. He was on Jump Street, and he hated playing a teen idol, so I said, “stick with us; we’ll kill that.” And we did – in the right way, you know?
When you’re feeling despondent just put on more country music. There are thousands of slit-your-wrist hillbilly songs that will make you laugh at your self-indulgence and ultimately cheer you up.
Listen to your political enemies, especially the smart ones, and then figure out a way to make them laugh.
Nothing shouts midlife crisis louder than driving a convertible.
As soon as you stop listening to new music, your life is over. You are a fart.
When the worst thing that can happen to you does, I try to be a friend.
The thing is, all the stuff that people hate about the art world, I love. I embrace all the elitism. I think it’s hilarious. I love impenetrable art writing. I make fun of it, but I make fun of things I love. I don’t hate the art world at all. I find it fascinating. It’s a secret club; you have to learn the rules.
Cheer up. You never know – maybe something awful will happen tomorrow.