If I were the last person on earth, some moron would turn left in front of me.
I live in California, the worst place in the world for fat people. There are three of us. They have us on eight-hour shifts, so it works out.
I have a cousin Ernie who buys stuff. He’s got a big snowblower that’s actually the biggest snowblower you can buy, with a remote control, so he doesn’t even have to go outside. He’s got the microwave and a satellite dish, it’s all in one. He cooks and watches at the same time.
After 34 years, I feel like I did when I was starting out. I feel excited and feel I’ve never been better doing what I do.
I have added a lot. There’s some Vegas stuff and hotel stuff and a whole chunk on health.
I had been asking the universe and God to send me a way for me to help me. Show business has been so wonderful to me, and it came in the form of that. Its just so funny how things come into your life, and if you take a chance on them, it might give you a brand new life.
I’m a 7 o’clock act. My people want to go to a show, a dinner and then go home and go to bed.
Minnesotans really think they run the whole world, I love that.
I was with a famous comedian when a young fan walked up and asked for an autograph. The comedian blew him off. I’ll never forget the look on the young boy’s face. He was devastated.
Weight is a glanduar thing, as well as an emotional thing.
Dr. Phil was very helpful and caring. I believe he helped all of us there and watching how to better relate, understand, and communicate with our families and loved ones. Dr. Phil recommended reading my new book.
I have a very warm spot in my heart for Vegas.
I started a big part of my career in Vegas.
I’ve been in Vegas. That’s where you get into the money thing. Boy, you get greedy in Vegas, you know. That’s the only place that you can bet $25, get it up to $500 and refuse to quit.
Azhar Usman is a true original and will laugh the hate right out of you.
Let me tell you about my family.
I felt ashamed for what I had done. I don’t have any excuses. I did what I did. I take full responsibility for myself and my actions. I wouldn’t pawn this off on anybody. I’m sorry it happened. And I hurt people.
Sadly, no one in our family ever said, “I love you.” Do you realize that? The truth is, I think we were all frightened of saying it, since the obvious reply would’ve been. “Well, if this is love, what is hate like?
When you’re young, you do drugs that could kill you. When you get old, you just want drugs that can keep you alive. Full circle, baby.
At some point you have to park your past and put yellow caution tape around it so you don’t keep going back to it. Because there’s nothing like lounging around in your past and all that self-pity.