Everyone was laughin’. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.
I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.
I don’t think I’m a star or a celebrity or any thing like that.
I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I’ve discovered? I need a girlfriend.
I love Fear Factor, but I think they’re running out of fears. It’s only a matter of time before they’re sitting around doing shots of Hepatitis C.
Pre-mature ejaculation. Let’s talk about it. Pre-mature ejaculation. That’s a pretty fancy term for, Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before.
I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what’s going on.
I have no grand scheme.
I’m a joke comic. I tell jokes. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.
I never wanted to be famous.
A joke is a joke, and people put too much meaning behind it. They react to it in the wrong way. I mean, you can boo or laugh, and that’s pretty much what you’re supposed to do with jokes. You’re not supposed to take it any further than that.
I get recognized, but I’m not really a famous famous.
I’m not the comic of the generation, I’m not even the funniest guy in my family.
I have soundtracks for a lot of stuff.
For me, Molly Hatchet is high school. It makes me feel like I have hair and a future.
I don’t mind a crowd’s not laughing; it’s the groans that slow down the show.
Once you get offstage you’re just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.
For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don’t know what happened to them. That’s the crowd that I like, the ones that don’t get so offended just to be offended.
I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they’re, like, emotionally flinching when I start doing my jokes.
I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I’m not an actor though, so I don’t really have much choice in the matter.