Listen, you have to understand something. In all of the history of professional sports, the Cubs are the ultimate symbol of complete failure. The championship of baseball is something called the World Series, and it’s been so long since the Cubs have won it that no one who is alive could remember the last time they won it. It’s so long that no one alive knew anyone who was alive when they won it. We’re talking centuries of abject failure here.

— John Scalzi

John Scalzi Quotes

Listen to me or don’t. But if you don’t, you’ll be dead. And then where will you be? Dead, that’s where.

— John Scalzi

It’s the truth.” “Oh, my daughter,” Huma said, and smiled. “Don’t tell me you don’t know how little that actually means.

— John Scalzi

This is what happens when the Narrative takes over. Things quit making sense. The laws of physics take a coffee break. People stop thinking logically and start thinking dramatically.

— John Scalzi

I had been getting sidetracked by the idea that an entire fearsome race of aliens had given themselves goofy names because of the names I had thoughtlessly given two of them more than a decade before;.

— John Scalzi

But imagine you’re a tapeworm, and then suddenly you’re Goethe. It’s like that.

— John Scalzi

Who are you, who is so wise in the way of alien fungus?

— John Scalzi

There’s no but. You’re right. It’s just a reminder that war favors the rich. The ones who can leave, do. The ones who can’t, suffer.

— John Scalzi

Simply put, she was the one who had to put up with me. That she did so with love and patience and encouragement instead of strangling me, throwing my remains into a wood chipper, and then pretending she had never been married to me at all is a testament to the fact that she is, in fact, the single best person I know.

— John Scalzi

Maybe after the first dozen times it happened, the Universal Union should have started engineering for space defenestration. NICK.

— John Scalzi

But we get to live as long as we’re useful. And that is a rare privilege.

— John Scalzi

Now What?” Kerensky said. “We wait,” Dahl said. “For how long?” Kerensky said, ” As long as dramatically appropriate,” Dahl said.

— John Scalzi

Whether they are up to our standards or not, the fact remains: We need more crew.

— John Scalzi

I don’t have a problem with treason,” I said. “I can stop anytime.” I.

— John Scalzi

Hickory, have you ever lied to me?” I asked. “I do not believe you are aware of me or any Obin ever lying to you,” Hickory said.

— John Scalzi

Realborn go for years without the slightest clue what they’re going to do with themselves. From what I understand, some of them never actually figure it out. They just walk through life in a daze and then fall into their graves at the end of it.

— John Scalzi

That’s the point of rumors. They’re not based on anything, so nothing is very effective against them. Truth is no defense, and the people fielding these rumors know it.

— John Scalzi

Making people change because you can’t deal with who they are isn’t how it’s supposed to be done. What needs to be done is for people to pull their heads out of their asses.

— John Scalzi

They found no colonists, but they found parts of them. And a lot of blood.

— John Scalzi

She had the expression of the cat who ate the canary and then threw it up in her owner’s favorite shoes.

— John Scalzi

Yes. The one advantage we had, which is a thing I brought to the enterprise, was the understanding that the plan was not the goal. The goal was the goal, and we were going to get to it however we could. And if it meant changing our plans, sometimes in the middle of executing them, then we would.

— John Scalzi
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