Instead of being wakened to the sound of birdsong, like princesses in books, I was wakened to the sound of Rommel shrieking as Fat Louie beat him senseless for getting into his bowl of Fancy Feast.
Above his chest hung a set of barbells. I would not have liked to hazard a guess as to how much weight he was lifting, but allow me to assure you, with enough reps, I was quite sure he’d have no trouble heaving Debbie Mancuso out the window in the event of a fire. Which is all a girl really needs out of a boyfriend, if you ask me.
You know, there’s nothing wrong with admitting you’re depressed. Many, many people have suffered from depression. Having depression doesn’t mean you’re crazy, or a failure, or a bad person.
A smile is your friend – and also your best weapon. Show a friendly face, and your enemy will be so charmed, he’ll never know what hit.
It’s just that one thing I’ve learned from all of this is that we don’t have very much time here on Earth. So why waste it putting up with other people’s crap?
We’d be the Joystick Order. Out motto would be High Score for One, Pizza for All.
Each caress leaving my nerve endings feeling as tingly as if they’d just been kissed by a shooting star, landing on my skin and leaving it as glistening as a newly formed galaxy.
All those guys on the wrestling team, though – they scare me. And they’re so homophobic... well, you can’t help wondering about their sexual orientation, I mean they all think I’m gay, but you wouldn’t catch me in a pair of tights grabbing some other guys inner thigh.
I know they have palm trees in Southern California. I mean I’m not a complete moron, I’ve watched 90210, and everything.
There’s no such thing as crazy. There’s no such thing as normal, either.
Still, when someone who is mistreated in their home travels very far and under horrible conditions to get to yours, shouldn’t you at least offer them shelter and something to eat and drink until they sort things out? It seems like common courtesy to me.
Honestly, what good is owning a castle if the person you love doesn’t want to share it with you?
The wonderful, amazing, but occasionally distasteful and sometimes even horrifying world where most people are incredibly decent and well meaning, but occasionally you do encounter someone who is going to try to use you, or even abuse you, and when that happens, there isn’t always going to be a bodyguard – or parent – around to rescue you.
But there it was, the Pacific Ocean... huge, stretching almost as wide as the sky, a living, writhing thing, pushing up against a comma-shaped strip of white beach.
And yeah, okay, the majority of guys I have met since moving to California have turned out either to have psychopathic killers stalking them, or were actually psychopathic killers themselves. But that’s really not a very good excuse for falling in love with a ghost. It really isn’t.
Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.
I’m going to ignore the haters, get out of this bed, and get to work doing what human beings were put on this planet to do: leave it a better place than they found it.
All I can say is, be careful what you wish for. It just might come true.
My prom life is over. And so, I am afraid, is my life.
Ostensibly female but lack of breast size lends to disturbing androgyny.