Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn’t investigated. They might find that I don’t really exist – that I’m just a hologram.
I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I’m leaving.
Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity. If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick.
Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
And now the announcement of Watson and Crick about DNA. This is for me the real proof of the existence of God.
Someone like myself, who claimed to be a real madman, living and organized with a Pythagorean precision...
Remember crime against property is not real crime. People look at an oil painting and admire the use of brushstrokes to convey meaning. People look at a graffiti painting and admire the use of a drainpipe to gain access.
Why do I not seek some real good; one which I could feel, not one which I could display?
Shall I tell you what the real evil is? To cringe to the things that are called evils, to surrender to them our freedom, in defiance of which we ought to face any suffering.
The real compensation of a right action is inherent in having performed it.
Real improvement is of slow growth only.
Ponder for a long time whether you shall admit a given person to your friendship; but when you have decided to admit him, welcome him with all your heart and soul. Speak as boldly with him as with yourself.
What a great blessing is a friend with a heart so trusty you may safely bury all your secrets in it.
Maybe the world, without us, is the real poem.
And now you’ll be telling stories of my coming back and they won’t be false, and they won’t be true but they’ll be real.
When it’s over I don’t want to wonder if I have made of my life something particular, and real...
The only real radicalism in our time will come as it always has – from people who insist on thinking for themselves and who reject party-mindedness.
Who are your favourite heroines in real life? The women of Afghanistan, Iraq, and Iran who risk their lives and their beauty to defy the foulness of theocracy. Ayaan Hirsi Ali and Azar Nafisi as their ideal feminine model.
As is so often the case with pieces that appear in the Onion, I honestly could not decide whether this was a clever hoax or not – the arguments were almost exactly as stupid as the real thing.